Today I witnessed a fox hunt - I knew they were still happening and I live near a prominent royal country home, where the biggest hunt in the UK was taking place, but I had never seen such horses looking majestic and the riders in their blazers with dogs a foot as they flushed out the terrified and tired fox.
Initially when I saw them I thought that they were polo ponies, as these are a regular feature too, I almost didn’t want to see what I was seeing... ‘look away from it, if you don’t see it, it didn’t happen was my reasoning’
That situation got me to thinking about when I first saw them stood aside the road I smiled at the fabulous power of the horses and the smart uniforms and muscular dogs - my emotions changed in a moment when my partner said ‘it’s the hunt - Filthy....’ so in that moment I didn’t know what I thought - I wanted to be annoyed and shout my dismay out of the car window and at the same time felt a little conflicted about how wonderful they all looked, and what a fabulous historical tradition to behold !
There is a part of me that is in awe and admiration of the landed gentry and country set, like I belong there somehow, perhaps memories from bygone days! And the hunting is a part of that tradition, can I overlook that part ?!
But my point here is that I changed - in a moment my mood swung - and I was lost, ‘what should I think about this?’ I didn’t know...
I started to feel guilty and judge myself for my initial thoughts, believing that I was evil in some way and feeling sorry for the poor fox.
Also there was this point of believing that I have to protest because it’s so wrong to kill a wild animal for entertainment, justifying that they are considered pests and not pets, and that in itself is a problem in this world.
Don’t get me wrong I love all animals big and small, but am I a hypocrite for judging others when I am creating
this conflict within myself, is this not self abuse ? Also when I have been ‘spiteful’ to others because I didn’t quite feel good about myself, how is this any different?
Self forgiveness to come...
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