Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay
I've always wondered what a wireless inspector looks like.
If it was a he then he would be wearing a cricket pullover without sleeves I'm sure, and would have a coat that was gray, and shoes that were black, and trousers that were shorts really, and maybe teddy bear socks, and would be carrying a suitcase, and sniffling.
I've come to fix the wireless, he would say, and expect to come inside to fix it and maybe get a free cup of tea to go, and heaven forbid, a sizeable sum at the end when he had finished.
But female wireless inspectors are much harder to get rid of, and far more trouble…
Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay
The mountain’s at the door, a shooting angel come a calling, all frisson dust and sold out and looking like the stream just dried up and crying for shelter.
Or maybe she was the wireless inspector in disguise.
Yeah, I said, answering the door…
I’m lost and want to come in she said, and wrung her hands, ghost like, looking as if she was dying to get away from the pouring rain that was making her shiver.
I stared at her like a dream come true for probably far too long, and then opened the door wider to let her come in.
Oh fool was I.
Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay
She was quick as the wind as she passed me like the wind making her way to the bathroom door, a soul survivor or maybe just a girl gone wrong for a while and now was making up for lost time.
I was wondering how she knew where the bathroom door was as she raced past me towards it like the wind.
I was not sure whose doom it was really as I closed the front door and went back into the living room and put the movie back on, and waited to see what would happen next.
When it was almost time to wrestle with the moon she came out of the bathroom and sniffed me out to come at me like a hound on the loose and leaking fairy dust out of her nose.
sitting down at the table she crossed her legs and looked at me.
I was but a sea harbour that rose and fell with the tide as she came at me like another raging inferno that was falling in love with with what she was looking at and growing peacocks out of her ears.
I found this most strange, but hey, what did I know…Glass of wine, I said and poured her one just in case.
Image by Rosa Elemil Martínez from Pixabay
I was the love that never came but was there all the time.
I was the ghost that could never go home.
I was lost sideways.
In my doing and culminating I opened another door and fell through it to the other side and found I was the jelly ghost that had forgotten how to make sense of it all anymore, and was floating around in my dreams and crying out: hey, is this what love does to you…
It makes no sense, unless the last bus has gone and left me here under the Maya slip of all my dreams.
She was a love onion in the grass, marooned, with big eyes so that I found myself staring at her for a moment too long, until she said from out of her maroonment: you won’t get to heaven staring at me like that you know.
You look like my long lost wife I said, and was ready to beat around the old bush until she came up with an answer that wasn’t just gravy or an unexplained madness or another spoon passing by.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a ghoul most of the time, but I do like to slip between the sheets now and then to see what’s going on, because as everyone knows, it’s the not knowing that gets you every time.
Are you a surface crow or a minion she said then and picked up the glass of wine I’d poured her and took a sip and looked as if she liked it.
I was no wireless expert but I was thinking that maybe some soft music would be nice, so I said, excuse me, and got up to put some on and turn the lights down a little bit or maybe just blow out a candle.
Certainly, she said, and got out her make-up and powdered away at her face while looking in a tiny mirror in her hand.
She had her legs half way crossed out of a dress that was floating up her midstream that had me forgetting where I was going and wondering what I was going to do now.
Got any more wine she said, and held her glass out for more.
I pounced on the bottle and refilled her glass, and then remembered I was going to put some music on and turn down the lights.
Image by Aline Ponce from Pixabay
Wait a minute, will you, I said and dragged myself away from her one more time and with my hand outstretched I went towards the wireless to turn it on.
Oh, leave that silly thing alone she said, come over here and hold my hand.
I kind of froze when she said this and felt a little bit like a dinner on a plate with gravy and spuds. Turning around, I asked her: do you not want some music to go with your evening?
Your wireless connection has gone astray. I am not here for that. Come, and be beside me, she said, most meaningfully.
I was an open flowing river with an itch, but I obeyed her and sat down where she wanted me to, which was very close, and felt perfect.
And then I found myself with thoughts, and one of them was thinking: maybe a sea creature from the blue lagoon with big eyes, wearing a Neptune hairnet in the mornings and living in my bed.
Okay, I'll meet you at dawn then, if I make it that far, but otherwise I’m going to put the wireless on I said, not moving much at all.
My mother, god bless her dear heart, told me many times never to pick up the telephone, because you never know who is on the other end of it she said, and then told me not to be so daft to think anything more about it.
I always wondered what she meant by this: on the other end of it; as if it was something that had another end and was attached to this one and could be a connection to some other world that was not here.
I think female wireless inspectors are really strange I said out of my only one mouth that was growing towards hers.
Image by Михаил Прокопенко from Pixabay
You are just a monkey wrench in the winches she said, and pulled my mouth to come closer.
I was the kissing pecker then of course, and flowed to her in all my wingless glory.
Pulling out her notebook, she wrote down all my sins in it as they came in front of her, my millstones in all their glory exposed and moaning away at top speed… and then she put her notebook away in her secret place, and tortured me some more until I was fried chicken.
In our octopus yards where we grappled, we couldn’t come up for air fast enough until we’d become jelly faced and some kind of fairy tale that grows up and joins the revolution and then spawns out sideways.
I’m not sure I like wireless inspectors I said as I was frying away.
Come closer, she commanded….
Images from Pixabay
