This morning I made a comment on a friend while she was in an insanely long traffic jam during bad weather, it like the typical 'Blue Monday' right? Not realizing it was actually the official Blue Monday today. Maybe it's the shitty weather, the cold freezing night, the lack of nice adventures, the amount of struggles, the broken car, the money disappearing or just...the world we are living in these days. How to get back into ENTHUSIASM?
I look at my life right now, feel me (not to be confused with touching myself though), look back, reflect and react. I live life like a rollercoaster. Intense adventures, ready for new positive intensity. I have dreams and a lot of ideas, but I am also realistic and overthink constantly. I make spontaneous decisions and take huge risks. I can be bored pretty quick and I need to be triggered. I am someone curious, that tries to smile even when things are not that funny anymore. Sometimes things go well for a little while. Although these things seems to change around the same period every year: Christmas. Is it the so called 'Winter Dip' or something else? I don't like Christmas for a long time now, because life turns upside down at the exact moment time every year. Just a few examples: losing a house and spend some time on the streets, several relationships that ended or totally changed, ending up in the hospital with a tropical virus that tried to kill me, losing all my stuff (ID, money, Visa, cards) in a foreign country without a Dutch embassy. It sounds quite negative right? The way I look at it, I always got out better.
A year ago, life was perfect. I moved with my camper van to Portugal ready to start a new life. I was in a positive flow. Feeling lucky in every way. But when Santa arrived, his present were not exactly the things I wished for. Life turned around completely. On every level things turned 180 degrees. This year I moved around the same time to Portugal, again to chase my dreams and start a new life here. I was telling friends I didn't feel so relieved for decades. No stress anymore. December came... Van trouble, spending loads of money on several repairs, expensive insurance companies not willing to help, health issues, a broken DRSL that was supposed to became one of my ways of income, portable battery (main energy source in my van) that has serious issues, fixed MacBook that had more issues since the last repair, meeting a psycho at Christmas Eve, losing more money with crypto during the bear market, a process of buying property that is quite a mess at the moment of writing. I am happy that I have quite some friends living in this country. I am very happy to spend some time with them. Talking, hiking, having drinks and good food, enjoying movie nights. Laugh about each others experiences. I am also very happy with all the nice vanlifers I met along the road.
Dripping wet
This morning I woke up with a feeling of getting water in my face. I looked around, felt and no water to be found anywhere. My face was wet.Something from another dimension? I visited friends in the morning and talked about the leaks in their house. I talked with another friend about leaks in his temporary house. Afterwards I had a video call with friends and they warned me about mould in their van. I told them I was actually cleaning up my cabinets inside the van, before they even told me. I do that every month, because condensation can cause mould. After all the talking, I needed an afternoon nap...
Drip....drop...plop
WTF?! I was definitely awake and not in another dimension. Was it a wet dream? I looked up and part of my wooden ceiling was soaked. Water dripping out of the LED-spot. Seriously? I've been in a countless number of storms with my camper van, never had any issues. And now the ceiling does the same thing as the clouds outside? I had to fart, to make the storm inside complete. I tried to figure out where it came from. No rusty holes in the roof, no doors that weren't properly closed. I guess the sealant around some parts are worn out. Turning off the electricity, it didn't charge a lot on solar anyway today. I tried to dry the parts under the solar panel. I placed my van on a slope, so the water does not move to the front when it rains all night. Talking with my friends about leaks today and waking up with a wet face earlier today. Coincidence or is the universe trying to tell me something?
"Just repair the f#cking hole in the roof! It's that simple..."
In the Netherlands we use a proverb that says: "This is the drop."
It would match the story, only in English that proverb is slightly different. The English version is "This is the last straw".
A match found online
I wrote in earlier post about the similarities between me and my van Vin Diesel. I must admit, I can still compare it with my own feelings. I had to overcome several hurdles recently and Vin Diesel had to climb a lot of steep mountain roads the last 3 months. We seem both exhausted and out of energy. His engine is noisy and I write posts about some of the hurdles. We are both waiting for things to be fixed right now. We're done with the huge amount of rain that came down lately. I just hope my hole doesn't start leaking 馃槄
I wrote about online dating a few days ago, but I forgot to mention I met Vin Diesel online in 2020. He looks more like a metal twin brother to me, and not like the perfect match.
Is this the change in life I wanted?
In 2020 I left my former country in a van to start a new life in a more relaxed environment. Out of the big city and more self-sustainable. Spending less money with the current inflation. What is the status so far? I didn't find paradise, and spent 50% more money in a year than I used to spend average. I met many new friends and learned a lot. I thought Portugal was for me personally the best place to live in Europe. It has so many beautiful places, but I need to be honest. The experiences from last 15 months make it difficult for me to stay. The budget is not big enough anymore, to create the place I would like to have. 15 months ago the situation was totally different. From FIRE-movement to FIRO-movement. Living in a van has a certain freedom, but can be seriously challenging. Doing this all by myself, it costs a lot of energy...it's exhausting. Is this what I wanted? Well, it wasn't boring 馃槀 It's not exactly what I wanted, although it was better then the last few years before.
Focus
What's next? Keep going on like this? No way! The coming week things are going to be fixed like they should be. Taking the more easy routes instead of the steepest roads. Don't get stuck in the same situations. Change plans, improvise and be creative. Recharge and accept the fact that I have to change plans. Keep focus on what makes me happy. Christmas is far away and I might get into hibernation at the end of this year. Paying more attention to my other metal friend that is in hibernation right now, my Ford Focus. Getting rid of the stuff in storage, my emotional baggage and my body fat. I am just carrying way too much stuff with me everywhere.
Let's stop complaining and move forward.
Feeling blue...if it's only once a year on the 3rd Monday of January...it's ok with me 馃槂
