My dad passed away, half a month ago. The memorial service took place 9 days ago.
The day before yesterday, I made my way to a bungalow, in as natural an area as you can get, here in The Netherlands.
It's the same wooden cabin where I spent some time in 2013 ( and worked on a short film project ) and in 2017 ( to discover crypto, the blockchain and blogging for cryptocurrency ).
On my first night back here, I watched a video recording of my dad's memorial that included speeches by myself, my sister and my brother. It was pretty emotional, even more so with the 100+ photos, depicting my dad and our family's life, that were shown in between the speeches and accompanied by songs that my father selected during his last weeks among us.
Overall, it was a positive ceremony, a loving goodbye.
My mom, as well as my siblings and I were amazed by all the love and the sheer amount of thoughtful and loving messages that have come our way.
It seems that my dad had a special place in the heart of many and I must say that if I look back on all the photos taken of him and especially those that also depict one or more of us, the love is visible in his eyes.
The last weeks and months ( and years ) have been hard, at times, but also, in a way, quite beautiful. As a family we have had plenty of time to say goodbye and I am aware that that is quite the luxury.
It's now time to continue with life.
And, for a start, I chose this nostalgic location, to enjoy some much needed alone time and to slowly decide on my next big steps. The first one will probably be a return to Portugal. I am still renting a house out there but haven't been in the country since late July, due to my father's health and passing. The next big step might be a trip to another continent ( probably Asia or, perhaps, Africa ).
I also plan to continue with my Hypersensitivosaurus book writing and illustrating as that process is part of what keeps me sane.
In short, I am trying hard to do less, in order to be closer to my real self again, my inner voice, my intuition, as well as to create time and make space for my emotions. Just expressing them in my creativity and suppressing them in my daily life, like my dad did, most of the time ( he didn't know any better ), isn't gonna cut it. My mental and physical health are too important for me.
Sending you love.
TO BE CONVINUED...
the picture above this post was taken by me, this morning, on a walk in Wolfheze, The Netherlands.