I have decided to leave Malaysia for good.
It's a personal decision. I guess it's not like I do not love the people here.
I am not chasing my own happiness but that of my children.
I was extremely lucky to have grown up in the circumstances and environment that I did.
My mom is Hongkie, and my dad is Penangite. When I was a kid, I was fortunate enough to have dad allow me to attend an international school before heading into public school.
That way, my knowledge, and confidence were way beyond that of my peers. My English was already well developed enough to read novels that of adults. Though I may not have been able to understand a word here or 2. But I read the story and understood what was going on, especially that of the Star Wars universe. I read the first trilogy of books in the Star Wars Universe and understood what was going on at age 10. I can still remember a lot of things that people don't usually remember. But there will always be reasons why I do remember things that happened, for it might be vital for me to somehow grow in this lifetime.
The point is, if I didn't go to an English international school, I would have been able to read these books.
I went on to Chung Ling High School, where I was back in a Chinese school I hated. I never wanted to have anything to do with Chinese. I hated it with a vengeance because the teachers keep beating me up for not doing well at my spelling. After much reflection and why I was able to stay in the second-best class of my year, the exams are all objective questions. I am not able to write Chinese characters from memory. I can recognize and know what it is when I see the characters. This means I can use a computer to type out a well-written message on Facebook because I know the Hanyu pinyin (romanization of the language) and can recognize the characters. Facebook is banned in China.
I went on to leave high school with a good knowledge of Chinese.
Whether it will be useful to me in the future is not important.
To be able to understand my own native language and be able to speak and write, I can make sure the knowledge of Chinese can still be carried on through the generations of family to come. My wife does not write and read Chinese. But she speaks well and understands it with the help of TVB Hong Kong shows.
There are a lot of Chinese in Malaysia that have no idea what Chinese is. They stumble around, guessing and trying to understand it, not knowing that all they think is wrong. All the Malaysian Chinese celebrities that are in the English speaking world do not write or read Chinese. That is a shame because it shows that many Chinese people in Malaysia do not know the Chinese language, and in this society, the language is heading into extinction. Just like how I do not know my dad's native language Hakka. The language is dead in my life.
The bottom line is that I am going to Vancouver, Canada, for the sake of my children. They will grow up in a better environment where libraries are filled to the brim with good books and more inclusive society.
What I experienced here was a bubble. Through the weeks, I was able to know that, and thus, I have to escape.
I once thought that Malaysia was part of me as a person that I am Malaysian. That I have to bring glory for Malaysia and tell people that we are people of peace. But over the past couple of weeks, I have experienced things that speak otherwise.
I will still continue to promote Malaysia as a people of peace. That I will always never forget my roots. Contribute one day if it is possible.
Last night, I watched Crazy Rich Asians and cried my eyes out. They say we Chinese look out for our own people.
For our own family.
We follow what the family wants us to do. That we do not have our own free will.
The American people care about passion and their own happiness. They don't look out for their own family. According to Eleanor Young. A super rich 'tai tai' who may not be exactly right.
Malaysia was my family. I guess I am leaving it to join another family. It is sad and I am sad.
But still, I have to be selfish and look out for the well being of my children.
It's not that I want to do. But I have to do it.
Sorry. Bye.