This post was inspired by the #inleo community and my response to day 14 of the #octoberinleo prompt.
Saying no is something I have struggled with for a long time. I guess I've always felt that if I said no, then it would seem as though I was being rude or selfish. I am a guy who loves to help other people and when someone asks me to do something I can't say no even if it causes me inconvenience. However, as time has passed, I have realized that it is okay to say no every once in a while.
Image is mine
But one thing I learned is that if you say yes all the time people will take you for advantage. And when you do everything for everyone they expect it out of you. You know they don't appreciate you as much because they take it for granted that you will be around to do things for them. I’ve experienced this many times. There were moments when I went out of my way to assist someone, sacrificing my own comfort, but they didn’t even say thank you. It made me feel used and unappreciated.
There was a time when a friend kept asking me for favors. At first, I was happy to help because I cared about them, but the more I helped, the more they asked. It got to the point where they expected me to drop everything whenever they needed something, without considering how I felt or if I had other things to do. One day, I finally said no. I didn't have the time, I didn't have the energy to help them out and I expected they would see that. But instead, they got upset and accused me of being selfish. That kind of stung because I was always there for them when they needed me, but when I once said no, I was a selfish bitch.
This experience taught me that sometimes, people will only appreciate you when you set boundaries. If you say yes all the time, they might not realize the effort you put in. However, by saying no you remind them that you have your boundaries. Its not even being a bitch, it's just about looking out for yourself and when to say enough is enough.
Saying no doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It just means that you recognize your own needs. It’s important to remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you keep giving and giving without taking care of yourself, you will eventually feel drained. I mean yes I can relate to that because sometimes I have said yes when I really didn't want to and I ended up feeling burned out. I was so caught up in pleasing other people that I lost sight of myself.
Now, I try to be more mindful of when I say yes and when I say no. If I feel like helping, and it won’t negatively affect me, I say yes. However, when I recognize that an affirmative response will stress me out or make me feel uneasy, I tell myself that it is perfectly acceptable to say no. It is better to say no and save your inner peace than to say yes and feel bad about it later.
We all need to learn to say no. This is not being selfish but just having boundaries. No keeps other people from using us, and allows us to look out for ourselves. Even though you may want to say yes, sometimes you have to say no.
