I will continue to do my part to the best of my ability and whatever is necessary
A month and 3 days ago she has been in the hospital, bedridden. Although the first 3 days she walked, then her state of health began a decline and she has been many days without being able to get out of bed, in a very delicate state.
During this whole process I have accompanied her many days and nights, I have witnessed the fateful roller coaster that her health has been on, I have actively participated in her care and I have listened to many of her delusions.
On one of these early mornings he said to me:
“Give me your hand and let's go, help me up, please, please...”
I regret not having been able to please her almost at all, I could only take her hand which was so lukewarm, fortunately, that I took the opportunity to caress my face with the palm of her hand.
Also in this whole process I felt her hands like an ice floe.
Then I caressed her forehead and her hair so that she would sleep again.
She almost didn't want to sleep, she's afraid she won't wake up anymore, she already said so.
The medical expenses have been crazy and there are still many to go. She had 8 children, we all love her, some can contribute more with money, others can contribute more with time, however, everyone has done what they can and much more than that, however, we all feel exhausted, but not defeated, there is still a long way to go and we do not know what is coming.
When I am not at the hospital I get anxious for not being able to see live and direct what is happening and also thinking about how those who are accompanying her are feeling. If they are tired, worried, sad, thirsty or hungry.
When I am in the hospital it distresses me to see my mother in that state, almost unable to move and breathing with artificial oxygen. I wish I had a supernatural power and could make her get up and go home, as is one of her greatest wishes at the moment. His other wish is to go back to see my younger sister who has been out of the country for 5 years now, however, that is not possible at the moment.
As you can see, I don't think there is much I can do to improve this situation. A difficult situation from several points of view, because it is not only to see my mother in a critical state of health in a hospital ward, called “Reanimation”, in which there are other patients and we have seen more than one die in front of us, in front of her. It is hard to even imagine what my mother is feeling, that's why I get indignant every time one of my siblings asks her how she is feeling.
Do they think it can feel good?
They do it with the best intentions, of that there is no doubt, but I think sometimes it is better to be quiet for a while.
So, I was saying that it is not only seeing my mother in critical health condition, it is a daily struggle looking for supplies, medicines, going back and forth, sometimes by public transportation, sometimes a little more comfortable, sometimes walking at a fast pace even if you feel that your legs are already going to weaken.
I would be lying if I said that I have spent a lot of money in this whole process, however, I have contributed with minor expenses, all the bulk of that part has been covered mainly by my older siblings and that is something that also distresses me, to think of all the work they have to do to cover that part.
At this moment, my family and I are in a situation of anguish, stress, afraid, pressure, shock and almost despair. We cannot manipulate this situation and simply make it better as we please. For my part, I have maintained a calm attitude before my brothers, sisters and my mother and that is the attitude I want to continue to maintain in these difficult times, not to show weakness, but not insensitivity either.
I will continue to do my part as best I can, with love, care, dedication and patience. Tomorrow I am going to the hospital again. Tonight I stayed home because on Sundays I work in a bakery and after work I am “resting”.
Thank you for accompanying me. I wish you good health and a dignified life.
This writing is inspired by 
Photograph of my property.