After sharing my friend's story on Friday, I kept thinking about some of the comments people left and truly it left an impression on me
One comment in particular caught my attention. She said maybe my friend's mother is dealing with something deeper and that my friend had somehow become the person she was taking all her frustrations out on and she also suggested that my friend speak with her father and, if possible, take a little time away from home to clear her head.
So I encouraged my friend to speak to her father, honestly, that conversation changed everything.
She told me she sat down with her father and explained everything she had been experiencing with her mother, the constant shouting, the negative sayings, the blame, the feeling of never being good enough, and how unwelcome she had started feeling in her own home.
Her father listened and paid attention to her
Then he told her something she had never expected to hear nor won't be in a hurry to forget
Miama, you were adopted, everywhere became silent
It's just that your mother had never been able to have a child of her own.
He went on explaining that he believed that some of the pain, frustration, and unresolved emotions surrounding that situation might have contributed to the way her mother had been treating her.
When my friend told me this, I could understand why she was confused.
She said, “Maybe that explains some things, but does it excuse everything?”
And honestly, I don't think it does.
Understanding someone's pain doesn't mean you have to accept being hurt by them.
Her mother may be struggling with things she has never talked about. She may be carrying years of disappointment, anger, or grief of trying to conceive but my friend is still a human being. She has feelings too.
And according to her, it has simply become too much.
She doesn't feel welcomed anymore, she feels like she is constantly walking on eggshells, afraid that anything she says or does might trigger another argument.
And today, Sunday, she told me that things have been worse than ever since Saturday morning.
She said she has heard all the advice, not just mine, but the advice from the women and mothers who commented on the post.
For now, she has decided to take some time away from the house.
Not because she hates her mother, not that she wants to run away from the problem.
But because sometimes, you need to step away from a situation before you can think clearly about how to fix it.
She wants to find somewhere she can stay for a few days, calm down, clear her head, and allow her mother to cool off too.
Then, when things are calmer, she will come back and have a proper conversation with both her parents.
I don't know how this story will end
But one thing I know now is that sometimes what we see on the surface is only a small part of what someone is actually going through.
And maybe my friend's mother is hurting too and my friend is hurting as well.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment, advise, and genuinely care yesterday.
She read your wordsand heard y'all, which for now, she is choosing peace.
