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One of my worst feelings is when i wrong someone and i could literally see it in their eyes.
A mentor of mine once told me that I'm always quick to apologize. He meant that as a compliment but i also saw the downside because it also meant that I'm always doing things that i would apologize for.
I was wronged my Dad and i apologised, he angrily said "Sorry for yourself."
I didn't take it to heart because i knew it was his own way of venting because he couldn’t react for i was his child.
I've also noticed that for some people it doesn't really comes easy to apologize.
Well, it does for me. Only when i know i was at fault.
When i was younger and still in school. I was very close to a girl by name Chiwendu.
Chiwendu always had a habit, more like a ritual.
She always brought yoghurt for me everyday because she heard i had ulcer.
She felt milk was a way to keep me healthy.
We called ourselves siblings because we discovered we were from the same village.
When we were in JSS 2, my cousin sister also entered the same school.
It was a military school.
My friends really liked her but some of my classmates hated her because according to them she was rude.
I knew she was, but i can't control the way she behaved in her hostel.
I really adored my younger cousin alot.
When Chiwendu found out that i had a cousin in school, she then took her under her wing.
She protected her from my mates who hated her.
I was grateful for that because it felt like she was also taking care of me by doing that.
I heard a rumor, that Chiwendu was using her influence over my cousin to tak her provisions. And it seemed true because, my cousin once gave me a snack, she loved gifting me.
And i also found that snack with Chiwendu.
I didn’t ask questions. I was so infuriated that i rushed to Chiwendu and acted out of ordinary.
I went back to my sit so angry.
My mates who hated my cousin were very careful as to not step on my toes when it came to her matter.
They used that as a sign to avoid her entirely.
I was finally calm.
I turned and looked towards her direction.
Tears rolled down her cheeks.
I could literally feel my heart turn apart.
The betrayal i felt was exchanged to her betrayed she would be feeling.
I didn't know where to start apologizing from.
Ideas of how i would have handled the situation jolted through my mind like a storm.
I would have approached her first and asked if it was true.
Even though it was, i would have still spoken with her on how the issue should be settled.
I mean, she was taking care of a rude girl. It wasn’t going to be easy.
I walked up her slowly.
The sound from my own feet was screaming disappointment.
I sat beside her.
She shifted immediately, avoiding me.
I couldn't speak a word to her, I've said enough for one day.
Talking was what brought me to this situation.
"I'm sorry." I finally summoned the courage to speak.
"I will never do that to you again." I added.
She paused. Looked at me.
"What if i really did what you said. Would you still apologize?"
"Are you apologizing because you feel I'm innocent?"
I paused.
I could hear the unspoken words behind the words she uttered.
"I'm apologizing because i hurt my friend." I said.
I really meant every single word i said.
In that school, she was like the only person on my side.
She took my cousin under her wing not because she liked her but because she valued me.
I knew i ruined not just her trust in me but her relationship with my cousin.
Her relationship with my cousin was actually the least of my concerns. I wanted her to treat me the way she did before.
I knew it would take time.
She was worth every single time i could spare.
"I promise, i will never hurt you or anyone else like this again." I added.
She pulled out her bag.
Unzipped it and brought out yogurts an handed it to me.
"I may still be angry with you. But your health takes priority."
I paused.
My eyes were fixed on the yoghurt she placed in my palm.
Tears rolled down my eyes.
"If you are going to start acting emotional, better leave my seat." She said sarcastically.
I stood up to leave.
She held my hands and said.
"Promise you would never do that again."
I nodded.
"You are forgiven then." She said with a smile on her face.
That experience thought me alot.
So much so that no matter what you say about Chiwendu.
I won't beleive it, till she says so with her mouth.
It taught me to trust my friends and not rumours.
Until proven otherwise.
Thanks for stopping by.
