We had a quarrel that afternoon, and it made me upset. It was the 5th time in three days that we were fighting and it was already getting frustrating. I wanted it to stop, but issues kept arising and it was beginning to tell on me. I was beginning to get tired of the fact that she was always bringing up an issue, and I was always getting emotionally attached to every issue. I hated the fact that I had become so vulnerable that it was hard to be calm in the heat. I hated the fact that I exploded every single time an issue arose which was totally different from the calm and collected guy she knew in the beginning. I wanted it all to stop, I wanted a change, but I did not know how to go about it. I started coming home late so we do not have long conversations that will bring up another quarrel, I always told her that I wanted peace, and when she asked what I meant or how she could give me peace, I did not really know what to say. I knew that if I saw the peace I was looking for I would know it, but then I did not know how to reach it or where it was. This left me in a dilemma of having to explain myself over and over again whenever I said I wanted peace and she was never getting it.
It felt like she was the problem, and I did not fail to let her know. I loved her, but I was troubled. I was tired of fighting with her and because of that dilemma the only way I could express myself was saying exactly how I felt. But then it was those words that hurt her the most. The more I spoke about how I felt and how much I wanted peace, the more she cried in secret not knowing what she was doing wrong. It was a tricky situation, I thought she was the issue, she thought she was the issue, knew \i had my own issue but we did not just know how to fix it and so we just kept fighting. We had said a lot of hurtful things to each other that day and I was coming home late from work hoping to eat and sleep. I was trying to mentally prepare for the worst, knowing she would want to give an attitude and I was not having any of it. So I prepared the only waY I could. I planned on being silent no matter what she does because I was just too tired of saying the wrong thing and cause and other issues on top of the one we already had. On my way I began to reflect on why we were even fighting, and I realized it was over something very silly. Thinking about it, I began to wonder how things became so toxic, how a simple argument would lead to a big issue.
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She was not happy that we had not gone on a date for a while, but then I think it is how she said it, because thinking back, all I needed to say was that we will plan towards it and try to plan towards it. But then I remembered, I wasn’t making much, we were both surviving on what I made, and she was already planning a date from the already tight expenses. Of course I would do anything for her, but it was exhausting seeing I do not have much and we had to crack our brains to eat and at the same time fix a date. That was when I remembered my own reaction to everything she was saying and doing. I had emphasized on our tight budget and that I was not seeing a way for us to really spend on a date. But she was not having any of that excuse. She was feeling she had suffered with me enough and deserved a little enjoyment. At least a time for just us too. According to her it doesn’t have to be much, it just had to be us. But I was being logical, while she was being emotional, and for that we created a big deal out of nothing because I became emotional and lashed out.
On getting home, What I saw made my blood run cold, immediately I felt the hairs at the back of my head stand on end after seeing her rolling on the floor clutching her stomach.She was having one of her severe cramps and because I was avoiding a fight, I left her alone to go through it. She was not having money and could not ask me for money for the painkillers because of our fight. But I didn’t know, but at the same time, a stupid fight was the cause of all these. Stupid me would have just appeased her emotions instead of trying to be logical. Looking at her laying there in pain was something worse than the shame of disappointment. I had let down the love of my life because of a simple misunderstanding that would not have escalated if only I had said the right words.
THIS IS MY ENTRY INTO THE INKWELL COMBINED WRITING PROMPT #44
