Lately, I've encountered countless observations from my ex-coworkers about my feelings of guilt whenever something didn't go well. What I've been told is that I should loosen up the grip I have over situations, that I should assume my human imperfections and limitations and mostly that I should stop investing me emotionally in such a boring and non-rewarding job.
One day I got sick, and I couldn't go to work and the feelings of guilt transformed in a deep rooted feeling of shame, a strange feeling that I am no more than a traitor to my people.
Feeling guilty is way less damageable than shame because we don't have to deal with the social dimension, the impression of being naked and stigmatized. Shame is complex and that's why it's an emotion people should resolve before they let it control their lives. Shame is a collective emotion, as we recieve the negative emotions and deceptions of the people about ourselves or something we've done, but we can learn to minimize it's impacts on our self-esteem, and learn to see it's mostly a wrong perception we're maintaining in our heads.
For me, shame is something I have to learn trancending. I feel it's one of the main blocks triggering patterns of destructive avoidance. Feeling untrustworthy after doing some mistakes can make me disappear from the environment where those mistakes happened. This is how I loose my jobs, my confidence, my relationships and end up in my bedroom daydreaming about another life.
Accepting the feeling of shame building up in my body as I speak to people, as I realize they don't care that much about the other day, it's a way to defuse the emotion and stop avoiding it.
It's totally correct to express emotions, to let go od those heavy coated armors and to tell people "no, I cannot do it today."
It's totally correct to ask for help, to ask for indulgence, to ask for comprehension. Expressing thoughts, being authentic.
