Today I was in a wedding gathering. There was time for groom to come and many were waiting around . I was scrolling my cell phone when a nearby incident attracted my attention. Two friends (both in their 40s) were talking to each other when son of one of them slapped his father on face. The kid was hardly 5 years old and I was astonished to see his dad didn’t retaliate or admonished his son. Though I was surprised but I thought his dad might not be wanting to chastise him in front of everyone.
I agree to school of thought that says that chastising kids in front of others and stopping their michevious acts retards their mental growth and stunts their creativity.
Well hardly 5 minutes might have passed when the same kiddo started teasing friend of his dad by putting hand in his beard, murmuring some explectives and laughing madly . Atleast for me this was too much and at this moment that kiddo seriously needed admonition but to my surprise his father didn’t say anything to him . Now I realized that his father and excessive love of him has spoilt his child. His ethics have destroyed and instead of teaching him , his dad was showing love that was proving very adversial for kid.
Being an elder most son , I was already adapt to many formalities. I knew my do’s and don’t. I myself knew codes of ethics and values which I must adhere to but still if I did anything wrong my dad didn’t show any mercy. He always taught me infact he still teaches him. He chastises me even now if I break any code of ethics or do something odd. His this nature has proved very beneficial and fruitful to me. Because of him , I overcame many of my shortcomings. Sometimes as affectionate dad, sometimes as formal teacher and sometimes as strict wardon, he has taught us many life lessons. He treated me like a prince. Even still he pampers me and doesn’t bother me for anything or responsibilities. He just asks me to be gentle ,ethical and respectful.
I am yeto to become a father but I think alot about my kids, my life with them and about their affect on my life. I am not supporter of suppressing the kid by physical use of force. Physical abuse becomes cause of many negative effects on children. Their growth may be stunted and their mental abilities may be reduced. Instead of this , I believe we must be most trustworthy friends of our kids. They must be frank to us, frank enough to clearly share their each sentiments and feelings to us.
I always planned that I will teach my kids with love. I will teach them ethics, morals and values. I will make them gentle and gallant by providing them with life-inspiring examples. By affection I will give them many life lessons. But if they don’t pay heed to my teachings and lessons? Will I use phyical force to punish them? The answer to this is absolutely not . A criminal fears from prison untill he has not faced it . Once he has faced the prison, the probability of doing crime increases. So I will not use force ever. I will rebuke them , I may chastise them and I may give them some psychological punishment with whom they themselves realize that what wrong they have done.
According to social control theory, improving bond and attachment decreases the probability of doing any wrong act. So I will vulcanise my bond with them, their bond with society and societal norms. This will surely help them adop ethical , moral and resoectful lifestyle.
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