image is AI-generated
I grew up in an environment where connection and warmth were not a priority, what was referred to as love by my parents was being able to provide for their children their basic needs as well as an education, we didn’t find small talks as part of our home rituals, eating together in a round table, or having a family fun day, all we had was ourselves as siblings to talk with and play with sometimes which feels forced sometimes.
The relationship I have outside my nuclear family is only with a few of my cousins. I came from a family that is not united and is broken; this was a result of how big the family is, so even the close siblings are not as close and loving as they should be to each other.
My father, being the youngest child of a large polygamous family, having siblings who were decades older than him created the presence of distance rather than closeness in the family. Education was not seen as a priority, and everyone had to fend for themselves, not looking out for each other, creating resentment among us rather than a bond of unity.
My grandfather had many wives and vast land, so the need to have many children meant they all worked on his farm and would only escape it when they were old enough. When my father stubbornly forced himself to go to school, he was punished by his father, and not even the eldest of his brothers would stand up to defend him. It was only his nephew, who was the same age then, who told our grandfather that he had made my father go and that he should be punished instead.
This cousin of mine was the closest relation my dad had until he passed away, leaving my father with his other siblings.
His father didn’t believe much in school. You would think that my dad would be favoured, loved, cared for, and cherished by all his siblings, since they had already faced the predicament, their father inflicted on them before my father was even born, but the reverse was the case.
You know how a child will have memories of when he was little with his uncles and aunties? I never had such memories with my uncles, and I had only a few with my parent.
My family was all old school; the teaching was limited to what they knew and understood. We never had time to play or talk to my parents; it was more of a giving-and-receiving-instructions kind of relationship, and then occasionally, we received gifts and went out for visitation.
My father has tried to train all his children in school, making sure they all have a bachelor's degree, which means that the family is evolving, although I have an uncle who was negligent with his duties as a father because of how there was to them; my father had surpassed that pain and took a different decision transforming his pain into a good lesson rather than punishment for his kids. Among many things my father is, he is also a great dad.
I have cousins that we call each other brothers and sisters and also act like it was the same parents that had given birth to us, but I don’t have a close relationship with any of my uncles or aunties, or even with my parents, which is how the family is.
I have a very good relationship with my siblings too which was a conscious decision I had, I learnt from an early age that the reason we are not having a good relationship as an extended family was because of the relation between our parents, when the relationship between them is good, then is when we have a shot at having a good relationship, but when its not, we can only try as hard as we can and it might not still work out how you want it. I strongly believe that our bonds will conquer the predicament of our family's lack of ties.
My name is 
UNCLES AND AUNTS"
