I have been on my back for 4 days after finishing my work in the garden. Without taking medicine or going to the hospital, I just got laid, did not exercise, my muscles felt slack, all my body was just like a broken machine, out of energy, got hot and cold all night, and had several abdonimal pains.
Suffering from the pain is my strong point, but in this case, I am totally powerless. With a shallow and heavy breathing, I was rolling in the bed and thought about what I should do.
I stay in the remote area where there is lack of essential services, including health service. I also know if I go to the hospital, they will prescribe antibiotics and other pills that I cannot give it into my body. I also cannot call my friend to give me a favour because they are busy with garden and their business, I do not want to bother them. At that moment, I have been through exquisite lesson that my mom warned me in the past: Do not being alone in your life.
The feeling of being alone when sickness comes to me was very terrible but a bit exciting. I did not have a good food these days, all I have in my stomach were only water and white porridge. I tried to get up and cook a little porridge in order to fill up my belly. I could not clean my home as usual days or feed my dogs and cats with good meals. I even could not go to the market and buy food for a week. I looked myself as a pathetic person stucked in a deep hole under the ocean.
I tried to reach my laptop, took it into my thighs, opened music on my playlist, closed my eyes and stopped thinking. That was what I could do. Immersing the flow of music, I felt the darkness of the death is coming to play with me, all my cells were rebelled, my body parts stopped functioning in a second, I prayed for the universe that can take me out of this surfer immediately. I was just like that till the next day. With a bit of awakening, I opened the main door, warmed myself in the sun and let the body rest.
After completing my writing, I continued to throw myself on the bed and submerge myself in a thousand of thought. The feeling of being alone turned back again, my tears kept falling down. I remembered about the one who I could call for help, but I knew that he could not do anything for me. I have become a fragile girl since I do not know when.
Today, I am still lying on the bed with pains, writing down these words just to make me feel easy and be relieved of my feelings. I maybe will keep staying alone like this till the wheel of destiny changes, I will follow what it arranges.
