As a child, I always found solace in gazing at the stars. It was always so peaceful and I'll jokingly tell my sisters that I have a star and the star which shines the brightest in the sky is mine.
It was intriguing. I could speak to them about little things going on in my life and it was as if they could listen. My sisters went to boarding school and I was always home alone with my parents. I had no companion to talk to about things going on in my life as a girl who was thrown by life into teenage hood.
When I was having a bad day at school, the stars were there to comfort me. When my parents fought and I had no one to vent to there was just that inner peace that came with talking to the moon.
That was little me with no understanding of the world whatsoever. The once beautiful sky that was filled with stars suddenly became more and more cloudy. The nights became cold, no warmth to offer.
“Gift! Gift!”
Peter,My little cousin will call me and I'll smile looking down at him. I knew I lost that spark. I knew my smile didn't quite reach my eyes. But I wanted to keep on going like nothing happened.
“Why is it that you're always so happy in the morning but when it's in the evening you're always sad”
Peter asked.
“Wo, it's nothing hard. You're just imagining things or maybe it's because I'm just tired”
He would look at me like he did not believe me. I mean even I could not believe the lies I spilled out of my mouth.
Nothing could give me comfort at that point in my life. I tried talking to my sister but it was of no help. I see myself crying to sleep. My plans for my future were not falling into place like I wanted to and it made me question myself in so many ways. Was I a failure? What if I'm not able to carry the weight and responsibility that came with life? What happens to the expectations my parents have of me.
And with each day, I saw myself drowning and I could not seem to bring myself back up.
Everything ended one particular Sunday. I attended mass and right after, I went to meet the priest to bless some sacramentals which I bought.
“You seem troubled”
The priest spoke.
“Make sure to pray your Rosary and everything you wish for to happen will surely come to pass”
How did he know what I was going through? Well maybe I was not so good at hiding the pain I had thought at the time but no. Now that I think about it, I believe God sent him with that message to me.
I had not wanted to even pray at all because I thought it was not going to help but I went on to see that I had nothing to lose.
Here I am, finding comfort in the hands of my heavenly Father. In praying the rosary, I cried, and let out most of the pain I was going through. Things started turning out well. I got the admission I wanted, life became easier. Things became smoother. I was no longer the girl who lost herself to her shadows.
And as for the stars? They came back bringing with them their warmth and affection. All I had to do was see life from another perspective. Trust blindly to an unknown being knowing that He cares and with Him I can do all things.
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