Hi, my dear friends!
There is a saying: There is nothing more permanent than temporary buildings. This applies to everything: to the smallest project and to the whole life. I'll do it well later when... and then comes the list of conditions. Until then, let it be like this. Or not at all. So there is either a syndrome of delayed life or some kind of its semblance, consisting of some temporary structures. It's like we're living on a draft.
The war dramatically changed the lives of each of us. Everyone has their own history here, but there is something that unites us all: we have lost our usual stability and, along with it, the opportunity to plan our lives for a more or less long period.
I will give you a very simple real life example. The war found my house in the midst of renovations. For more than ten years I have been equipping my animals and now the turn has come to my own home. And in February, when everything around was burning and exploding, I stood in the middle of an unfinished room and thought what to do next. Continue renovation? But my house could be bombed at any moment! Stop all this and wait for the war to end? But it can take years. I'm not so young anymore ... Will I then have the strength to do all this.
In the end, I decided to continue. If I tell you that after the occupation I continued to live the way I lived before, it would not be true. I have a clear understanding that tomorrow may not come. Therefore, I try to bring my plans and dreams to life as soon as possible and better. But this is my way. I know a lot of people whose life has stopped. They continue to live in that cold February.
But there are those who find it even more difficult. These are refugees. I didn't evacuate. With my number of animals, I just didn't have that option. But I got lucky. My house survived and in the end our army drove the Russian fascists from Kyiv. But a huge number of people were much less fortunate. They were forced to leave their homes or lost them forever.
They were in some kind of "suspended" state. And here, probably, for those of them who have nowhere to return, it is even easier (although this sounds paradoxical), because their previous life is completely over. They have nothing to look forward to. They will have to start over in a new place.
But those who have somewhere to return are really in a psychologically difficult state. Often they just wait, not starting to build their lives anew. But the truth is that this war could go on for a very long time. And putting their life on pause in this way, people lose opportunities, lose support, lose the meaning of life, because eternal expectation cannot be such a meaning.
They create from their lives some kind of fragile temporary structure, which can be easily destroyed by the first gust of wind.
Of course, one cannot ignore the enormous stressful situation in which the internally displaced persons find themselves. Even in a normal situation, adapting to a new place is always a rather difficult process. Refugees, on the other hand, were often neither morally, financially nor physically prepared for what happened. The loss of social, professional, even personal identity is an inevitable companion of refugees. It is very difficult. Thus, they lose one of the necessary basic conditions for a normal life - a sense of security. Thus we are dealing with a psychological trauma that cannot be ignored.
The most correct thing in this situation is to turn to the rational part of your mind, because emotions, as well as danger signals coming from the limbic system, simply will not let you move forward.
At the same time, it should be understood that the former life is over forever. Even if the refugee has a chance to return home, the war will make too serious adjustments to the life of society. Therefore, there is no point in not trying to build a normal life in a new place, clinging to the past and indulging yourself with the illusion that it is still possible to return to the old way of life.
It will be much more productive to look at a new place and pay attention to new opportunities. Immersed in regrets about the past, you can simply not see new opportunities. Yes, the very way of life in another city, and even more so in another country, will be significantly different. But you need to look for the positive, not focusing on what you think is wrong here.
Even when planning to return, one should not allow oneself to be "frozen" in refugee status. Social adaptation and integration into a new community are important processes that will help you overcome stress faster.