Although I've been working until the very last day, and when I wasn't, I was caught up in so much stress that was caused by the social security system here and mostly their incompentent doctors that I had to deal with (they aren't all incompetent of course, but those here were) and I honestly was looking forward to the delivery so that I could finally relax and enjoy the little man outside of my belly. Boy, things went so different and I never expected this to happen, ever.
At some point I will share the whole story, but not today because we're less than 3 weeks from moving to another region while still in my maternity period and having lost 2 weeks by what happened and then being ill right after, I have a shortage of time!
Although I planned to send everyone a message in person after birth, and then update everyone as well, I just can't. I didn't have the capacity while stressing over our baby's health after birth the first week, and then having such a big stomach flu that litteraly knocked me out with huge fever and being so ill that I could barely make it through the days the first week at home. I'm on the mend now finally, but here we are, 2 out of 5 weeks until moving day, lost with unexpected events. You will have to forgive me for not being able to be social at the moment, I just try to get through the day, cocoon with my baby boy and the rest doesn't really matter at the moment. I have to prioritize ;) there's no other way.
As you may remember, I had a planned c-section, this was all as expected, it happened on the exact day it was planned, heck the timing was even quite well, no delays or emergencies in between. But then things went south just before getting my epidural, my blood pressure rose to 168/93 (out of nowhere because it has been fabulously under control since these medication I have since a few months into the pregnancy). My boyfriend wasn't allowed to get into the operating room, I noticed a bit of panick, and strict instructions by the anesthetist. I was not happy but remained calm. I was mostly worried about my boyfriend being stressed that he couldn't be there or worried about me.
Baby was born, I got to see him right at the moment they took him out, so much dark brown hair! My baby boy was finally here! I immediately heard his cry was off and asked is he ok, they kept telling me he was, my gut feeling said otherwise. I could not do anything but believe them as I could not move anyway and just hoped I could hold him soon.
The other 3 kids were born and then kept close to me as soon as possible, here I only got to touch his face with my nose quickly while they took him away with dad who stayed with him. Back by myself, while being stitched up. Blood pressure still not ok, it remained high, although mostly in 150's and not close to 170 anymore. I didn't feel any of that though, I have to admit that not once I felt ill, or weird during the procedure, unlike with the other three. So that probably helped to remain my calmness even while being alone on the table and hoping it was over soon.
I went to the recovery room, had to wait for way too long before my boyfriend and baby arrived but when they finally did, I believed I could start enjoying our new boy. He still had this cry though, they still said it's fine (gosh I hate this looking back on it) and we decided to try and see if he would drink, he wouldn't. They eventually got the pediatrician (finally) and she wanted to make an x-ray and take his blood. They gave him an IV on the bed next to me (poor thing was crying his lungs out, it was hard to get it done) I felt so useless on the bed, still sedated from the epidural. They took him, thankfully father was allowed to join so I said go, stay with him. There was no other choice for me than to lay there and hope it wouldn't take all day.
They said a few hours but we ended up with him on another department with just babies (around the corner or my room but I could not leave the bed the first day) thankfully his dad was allowed in around the clock. He kept me updated, he was breathing hard, had low oxygen and he was worried, clearly. I swear my motherheart broke not being able to hold him. It was horrible. My boyfriend said he felt so torn he wanted to be with me but also with him so he was constantly walking from one room to the other. It was clear he wasn't coming to our room that evening so I asked for something to sleep because they didn't knock me out as much as they did in Holland after a c-section with heavy meds by default and I was like tonight I can actully sleep, let's make sure I rest and feel better tomorrow.
I told my boyfriend tomorrow I walk around, and made sure to discuss with the nurses that tomorrow I NEED to walk to get up and give my back a break before this hernia issue pops up again. I don't do well laying in bed for too long I never did and never will. I need to get up and walk it out. My hips also hate being in bed too long, and my body even hates the plastic bedding stuff in hospitals more, I can't deal with it, let me walk and I will get better.
They promised me in the morning someone would come to help me to the shower, get out the catheter and that gave me peace of mind, just until the morning, then I can visit my son. It calmed the mind and I accepted my faith. I should have told them that this is the fourth c-section and I ALWAYS walk the next day, I know many can't but I'm just not helping myself if I don't, everyone is different. I was extra motivated with the little boy fighting for oxygen around the corner, he needed his mom like I needed him.
They tried knocking me out with some medication, didn't work, he said give it 30 mins, otherwise ring the bell I will come back. He came back, whatever he added then knocked me out for 4 hours, then I had to call again, the first nights are always painful but it's logical, it's a big surgery. The morning came, we waited until they came to help me out of bed, get into the shower and then we'd finally be able to see each other again. Mind you, this was 20 hours after birth and I only had 1 hour in total with my son, it was unbearable but I believe I held myself together really well considering the situation. Yes, there were tears, of course, but I didn't loose my shit while I felt heartbroken not knowing the real status as they constantly said he's fine.
To be continued...
This is part one of my birth story and my maternity period .. I'm trying to write it as short as possible because I'm short in time, and trying to just enjoy the new family member as much as possible .. Part 2 is coming up as soon as I can..
I'm sorry but I'm not sharing any name or head shots of the little guy, but the picture above is his ... You will just have to take my word on his handsome face and cool name :)
