Dear A.S. Muncher,
To me, you are like a very tiny owl and I'm not sure that I need a very tiny owl in my life right now.
Things started to go wrong when I caught you kissing with my ex husband.
It's not that I don't love you. It's just that your auntie is extremely greasy and your brother-in-law is, without a doubt, the most moist person I've ever known.
It's true, we've had some hairy times punching together. You have nipples like sharp mange tout and the most beautiful heart I've ever seen.
Your personality is like a really ample tortoise shouting into my skull. When I see you daring it makes me want to steal your mange tout nipples and post them to England.
I lie in bed at night wishing you were a male model and not a owl who likes kissing with my ex husband.
What I'm trying to say, is take your beautiful heart and go.
Yours no more
Amanda Lick
Thanks for reading,
The Invisible Man
