My teachers had different views on my strengths; but when I had these weaknesses, they all agreed: I had to participate more. Participation became my favorite word. In one of these interviews, my supervisor set a goal for me: I would raise my hand at least once in each class.
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We had about six lessons a day; so I had to raise hands six times a day. I told him I would try to pass him on; but it seemed impossible. I had to work hard to get my hand up. I had to make sure that I would say something right.
I felt lonely. I never saw anybody else like that. It was easy to talk to my friends in class. Even more shy kids than me were not as problematic as I was.
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In my high school and university years, the pressure to participate increased. Now my end-of-year average depends on this; because many courses were given attendance grades. This note was a disaster for my existence. Although I took high grades in exams and assignments, my final grades were low due to participation problems. No matter how I try, I couldn't turn into an extroverted, talkative person whose teachers wanted me to be.
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