It’s 5:10pm in the afternoon and I’m alive. I don’t simply mean I have a beating heart, I mean I’m truly living, I’m no longer constrained by all that which sought to clip my wings and hinder my enjoyment of life. I feel free to express myself with the freedom of a great gull diving, swooping and swirling in the air.
Smiling with the Rondero in the Red Zone (Amazon River)
I’m finding the more I cut away at this trail I’m creating for myself the more I’m intrigued by what may lay ahead. Not what is ahead in my 5 or 10 year plan. Not will I own a car a house or where do I see my career in 5 years time. I’m simply intrigued and enjoying my story, nay my life in the present. Well near as damn possible.
I’m writing this as a reminder to myself, that I am allowed to enjoy my life. Despite what has been dictated to me over many years, the whole rhetoric that so many of us have been indoctrinated with “you must work hard, you must hate what you do but be strong enough to never let your emotions show”, you must dress like everyone else in order to fit in, you must learn to ignore these pangs of creative urges. The list really does go on and on.
The scrabble for a modicum of space on the tube, the awkward glance you get from a fellow commuter that meets your gaze, then darts quickly and shamefully away just as quickly as it came.
Yet I’m no different from these darting eyes, with one exception. I’m happy to hold my gaze and fix it firmly on the direction I wish to take my life. I’m not without ego, nor fear and I don’t live in a bubble, but I do shape my thoughts as I shape my life. I’m ok with becoming me and my wonder is what fascinates me, not so much of the who am I question, but more of the who do I want to be. There really is a choice in what type of person you wish to become, that’s become the new motive. Not what job do I want, how much money do I want to earn, simply, what type of person do I wish to be. That’s it; all other questions are secondary to that. If I get this first bit right then the others will come and if nothing else, what is life without its wonder, I don’t know about you but I plan on finding mine.
Sunrise on the Amazon River
Cheers - Taz