For the last couple decades and especially over the last one or so, the idea of "work-life" balance has been mentioned as something to find. But the problem with looking for it, is that it is like looking for a unicorn, a dragon, or the perfect partner - it doesn't exist.
It doesn't exist because there is just life. That is it. You or I do not have separate lives that we live in different places, nor do we change who we are in different situations, or around different people. You are always you, I am always me, but it sometimes feels like we do shift who we are, and how we behave. But it is a fallacy, we don't.
But in order to make sense of our world, we humans mentally compartmentalise, slicing up our experience into chunks that we can understand. We do this in many ways, like creating definitions and terms for things in order to distinguish one item from another, or one space from another, or one time from another. If we don't make these distinctions, our experience becomes incomprehensible.
However, this compartmentalisation brings with it issues that effect us in multiple ways. For instance, when we create definitions, those definitions can warp and change over time, even when we are the ones who made them ourselves. Factor in 8 billion people and shifting behaviour, and there can be a wide range of understanding about the meaning for a single term, where it gets used as originally intended, all the way through the spectrum to altogether incorrect.
Similarly, despite us separating past, present and future, only the present actually matters, because that is the only time that we are able to live and affect. People say "you need to live in the now" as if there is some other option. There is not. The past informs the present and is gone, and the future has not yet been lived. In fact, at least by my estimation, time itself does not exist at all, because if we were to break it down to its smallest unit (which is impossible) it is zero. That means nothing is moving, everything is dead, and nothing will move.
Think about it a little and you should understand, if you don't yet.
Anyway, then we also breakdown our spaces into pieces, as well as our experiences within those spaces - like work space and home space and personal space. Isn't all space person from your experience? And then, if all space is personal and we are always us, there isn't a work version of us and a home version of us, there is just us. Me.
Singular.
While it is convenient to compartmentalise our experience, we seem to often create a fantasy where the compartments don't overlap and affect each other. For instance, people talk about work-life balance where they look to limit their work to improve their personal life, but very few acknowledge that their personal life affects their work life. And I make this distinction knowing, that there are not two lives, there is just life. You live when you are at work, you live when you are at home, and each part of the equation is going to affect the whole outcome.
If you have a bad day at work, you might bring a bad mood home with you. But if you have a fight with your partner, you will take that mood into work with you too. Depending on your skills and strategies, you might be able to mitigate the negative effects, but many people cannot because they haven't built the skillset to be able to. Yet, they still believe they are able to compartmentalise, because mentally they have made the distinction between areas, even if their own behaviours do not adhere to the definitions.
I remember when I started going to the gym at around 18 years of age. I was very ill at the time, and very skinny. I got a little bit stronger I thought, but I was sick, there was only so much I could do. One day, I was working out there alone (I was usually with a group of friends) and a big, muscly bloke came up to me as I was benching sixty kilos and said, "I think you can do more than that - I'll spot you". He put on another 20kg and said "Don't worry, I've got it". I pushed hard and to my own surprise, I was able to push it. No spot required. Then he said, "I think you can do more" and put on another twenty kilos.
That was the first time I pushed 100 kilos.
In this case, I had underestimated my capabilities because my definitions about what I am and what I can do created beliefs that held me back. My compartmentalisation meant that I didn't even consider that it was possible for me to lift that much. What the big guy did was support me to reach more of my potential, even though I didn't believe I could. The problem comes because if it was left to me to decide what I could and couldn't do, I would never have even attempted to do more.
After that at the gym, I started exploring more of my physical limits, rather than stay mentally limited. And since then, I have furthered that exploration into more mental and emotional aspects of my life, to reach for more of my potential. I fail often, but when I do, there isn't an external excuse, there is just me to blame. But "blame" isn't the right word - I don't blame myself. Rather, I acknowledge that I haven't the skills yet, or perhaps I never will have the skills. I might be incapable of getting them, or I might be unwilling to get them.
The unexamined life is not worth living.
Socrates
When searching this phrase, the explanation provided is:
The quote "the unexamined life is not worth living" is attributed to Socrates and suggests that a life lacking self-reflection, introspection, and critical thinking is devoid of meaning and value. It encourages individuals to question their beliefs, actions, and purpose in life to live more authentically and purposefully.
But have a look at that definition of the phrase and recognise that it is compartmentalising what life is. People tend to only see the reflection as a mental and emotional application, but it applies to life - All of life - Physical, mental, spiritual, fantastical. Life is a whole, not a series of pieces, and if we do not acknowledge and act on this, we will fall into the trap of limiting ourselves out of convenience, and overestimating the importance of the irrelevant. If one facet of the whole is out of alignment,
There is no life balance.
Taraz
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