Smallsteps is off.
Along with three bus-loads of nervous kids, many whom have also never stayed overnight away from family. In a pleasant surprise for Smallsteps, when we arrived to the meeting location, two friends from her old school were also joining the trip and are in the same group.
Once with friends, the nerves disappeared.
After stowing her backpack (which is as big as her) and her boarding the bus, I was left taking with some of the other parents. One was saying how she has had to convince her daughter for a month to get her comfortable enough to go, and I sad it had been fine for Smallsteps, because all her other friends from school were going too. I added,
Peer pressure is good sometimes.
It is funny, because we often tell kids, "don't give I to peer pressure", making the assumption that the pressure is toward negative boundary pushing. However, peer pressure can also be in service to quality growth and help try new things, develop skills, and generally get out of comfort zones.
Even as adults we are influenced by those around us and the "people like you" or "people in your area" can affect our own behaviours quote significantly. And then, for me at least, working out at the gym with someone who is pushing harder than me, makes me up my game also - which is why those group classes can be so effective.
As I have oft said, surround yourself with people who challenge you.
This doesn't necessarily mean people who disagree with you, but rather those who will push you to try a little harder, because they care about your outcomes too. They see the potential and want you to be your best. In my case at least, I don't want someone to accept me as I am, I want them to help me improve on how I am now, so I can be better. Some of this might come in the form of criticism - that is okay. It doesn't mean only criticism, and it definitely doesn't mean only change in the way that is best for them, but if what is best for both align, all the better.
Grow together, or grow apart.
Another one of my long-held positions.
I see the "no peer pressure" approach quite harmful in many respects, because it doubles-down on the selfish comfort at all costs approach that colludes with the "accept me as I am" position, where people seem to believe that no matter their behaviour, not only should they be accepted, but also take no responsibility and pay no consequence for the behaviour.
Only upside.
The problem with only upside when it comes to learning experiences, is that it is impossible. That means that when we have lived a life deluding ourselves by protecting ourselves from "negativity", we are setting ourselves up for failure when the inevitable negative life events happen.
Good friends are there when bad things happen.
Better friends are helping you learn before they happen.
I see a couple relationship the same, where the "peer pressure" is for each person to be their best for the other, which often means being uncomfortable, or compromising. Even "compromise" is something I am not so sure about, because as I see it, it is in my best interest to support my wife, even if it makes me uncomfortable. So is it really a compromise? But there has to be reciprocity, where both are willing to be uncomfortable for the other.
I think that despite their nerves and reservations of being out of place and uncomfortable, going on the trip with friends gives them the confidence to do it. The "in it together" attitude that is missing when everyone believes that they are an individual and exception to the norm. Fear is not a bad thing, it is something that tells us to pay attention, to take a little care, to ensure we are prepared. Yet, out of fear of having their ego hurt, a lot of people will avoid anything negative, any criticism, labelling it toxic.
You know what is toxic for our wellbeing?
Avoiding discomfort.
Taraz
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