I have been having a fun discussion with 
The conversation is pushed to the top of the chain, so feel free to have a read.
But, it is the "pick and choose" I want to have a play with today, because that is the culture we have created. We are able to pick and choose our surroundings to a far higher degree than in the past, and we have a lot of what we want on-demand, at our fingertips - especially in the "digital" perspective of information.
While it seems convenient, I believe this has a profound affect on the way we live our lives, and interact with each other, often to the negative. Because, we are able to build silos that support our belief systems, and weed out opposing views, or set up conflict with other opinion, encouraging us to double-down on our own. This means that we start to homogenize our information sources and likely, those we interact with.
And, who we interact with matters, because it influences our own behavior. I have written about "reference groups" at various times in the past, where we have people we are able to benchmark ourselves with, and those we are also able to lean upon for support and guidance too. It is a mentor group that can empower us to be our best.
Or our worst.
This negative reference seems something we don't discuss much these days, which might be be because we have shifted a lot of our relationships from small physical groups that meet over a long period of time, toward larger and more unfamiliar people who are relative strangers and are topic based, or time based. The relationships live in a silo themselves, dissected away from our daily lives, compartmentalized. Yet, they still influence us.
Empathy
the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.
While we often look at the positive sides of empathy (I am less positive, but not entirely so), what we don't consider is that our thoughts and feelings are going to be affected by the thoughts and feelings of others, even if they are not conducive to our own wellbeing, or accomplishing the goals we seek to achieve. If our reference group has a negative valence, we are more likely to align with them, than they with us, even if we are positive. Group dynamics come into play.
We are what we eat.
It is very hard to resist being affected by who we surround ourselves with and most of us will naturally adjust our mood and our behaviors toward the mean of the group. We will also have our attitudes and belief systems affected, which will impact on things like our motivation and willpower, and the more we feel connected to the person or group, the more sway they have over our actions.
As I mentioned in the conversation, if a person wants to get into their best physical condition, to be their best, they will likely benefit from being around a landscape that supports that outcome. For instance, a fridge and pantry filled with healthy foods, information that helps them improve their mindset, motivation and techniques employed, and people who are on a similar journey, and are willing to maintain accountability. This environment can help them accomplish their goals.
However, if the same person surrounds themselves with junk foods, reading information on random consumer goods and entertainment items, and a group of people who are out of shape, think exercise and eating well are stupid, and will actively encourage passive behavior - getting fit gets much harder.
Doesn't it?
Who we connect with matters to our personal outcomes, and if we get "trapped" in these information silos, we are going to be affected. But, we are also surrounding ourselves with the opinions and feelings of others, as like
If I am depressed, I am not in the mood to watch a comedy movie, I will choose something more "fitting". But, when I can pick and choose the people I interact with to fit my mood, I might choose people who are experiencing the same as me, who will be empathetic to my plight, who will feed my need for support, even if that support holds me in place, rather than helps me up and out of whatever I am feeling. I don't want a gym trainer who supports me to stay the same, I want one who will drive me to be better. Is another depressed person likely to help me climb, or spiral downward?
What about a group of depressed people?
Side note: Is the collective noun a "depression"?
At least for me, I feel that while it might be comfortable to flock together in a "like minds" environment, I don't believe it is conducive to helping me, let along bringing out my best. It might be nice to get a bit of empathy pity, but misery loves company, and with peer support, it becomes our baseline, our culture, even if not our nature.
I was told I was trolling when I said that there is too much empathy and it is causing problems, but I don't think I am. In a world where people feel disenfranchised, lonely, disconnected and can surround themselves with people similar to themselves, they can start to feel connected again. But, rather than be part of a broad community filled with a range of emotional attributes and tasks, they are focus-based, topical silos, and while global, localized, centered around a particular condition or cause.
Racists share emotions about a certain topic. So do Incels, Pedophiles, Anorexics, Self-harmers, Terror groups, and every other kind of topic that we might consider negative.
When people are sitting together in chat rooms with comradery, surrounding themselves with content that affirms their position, they tend to ramp up their emotional state, like in a mob mentality. Reason is overcome by emotion, thoughts become more volatile, the distance between sense and action widens.
The loneliness epidemic stems from a lack of true connection with other humans. It comes from not having space that isn't home/school/work to spend time with people and get to know them, and feeling that they know you too.
It comes from people feeling like they don't have a group of close friends, of people that know them and can be dependable and trusted... in good times and bad.
I agree.
But, this doesn't stop us using the wrong places, connecting with the wrong people, and feeling like we are filling the void, when all we are likely doing is exacerbating the problem. We are not building the relationships where people know us, because we are hanging out with stranger, because they think like us, feel like us. That doesn't mean we have anything in common with them outside that, and it definitely doesn't mean they care about us, but it comfortable. We feel visible, because we see ourselves in others, even though they don't know who we actually are, nor do they have any reason to help us.
If anything, these topic-based groups want to keep people where they are, not help them out. We see this in culture now, where when a previously overweight person has trimmed down and share their new body, they are often seen as a traitor and shamed - ironically, by body positivity people. Getting fit means no longer fitting in with the overweight community. They are a turncoat.
As most experts would agree, the solution to loneliness is building healthy relationships, as is the cure for many addictive behaviors. The digital world has endless space, but it is not a replacement for real-world connections, at least not yet. It is a substitute however, and for many who either don't have the experience to know or aren't willing to do differently, they don't taste the difference.
Sweet is sweet.
But we know that the source of sweetener matters.
There are groups now who believe that the only way to survive is to isolate, to leave society, to go "off grid" - but I believe that the opposite is true. The only way we will advance is to come together in healthy ways. To interact, and build the relationships that not only help us care about each other, but also help us care enough to be our best for them.
They say, "Do it for yourself".
This includes building a healthy community with others.
Am I in a silo?
Maybe. I just hope it is one that helps me be better than I would alone.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
