Tomorrow, I will hold my first solo training in almost four months, and if the trainings I have helped with are anything to go by, it isn't going to be a cake walk. Not only that, what was meant to be a very simple (under normal circusmtances) training, has become far more complicated from the client side, and the client is a very important one to boot. The only reason I was confident taking the session at all, was that the delivery I planned was so structured, but now it has been pushed out into something completely different and on such short notice (I literally found out a few hours ago), there is nothing that can be done about it.
I proposed rescheduling until they were ready, but the project manager on their side is an external contractor and I think, doesn't want to lose face now that they have been able to get a high-level management group to commit to a time. The initial issues came up last week however and I was assured by their side that it would be good to go and even early this week, I was given the thumbs up as if all was organized. Essentially, if things don't go well, I am now the scape goat, despite me doing all within my power to be prepared.
So much for an ease back into delivery work...
There is little I can do about it now though, so I just have to suck it up and do the best I can, come what may. I am hoping that in the morning I will be able to have a couple hours to review what I have on the agenda and then with my shining personality, woo them into thinking what I do is as good as what was originally on the cards. My initial plan was a lot better though as it included a lot of interactivity and practical exercise and now, they can do none of it and have to literally watch me demo for a couple hours.
At least it is an hour shorter.
The problem is that while "time flies when you are having fun", when you are not, it drags like fingernails on a blackboard all the way down to the depths of hell. Even a couple of hours can seem like torture, especially when there are other things calling for attention, like important emails and meetings that were put on hold.
I am weirdly looking forward to the training though, with some kind of masochist intent or something. I seem to often end up in situations that are not ideal and while I generally find a way through, I fail often enough to never forget its pain. Perhaps it is something to do with the challenge of it, where I get to test my skills closer to their limits, however this time I am a little more nervous than normal. Usually I can think on my feet fast and salvage a sinking ship relatively well, but I am not carrying that confidence with me and the nerves seem more like those of someone who knows they are not cut out for the role they have been given.
Ah well. I guess it doesn't matter too much if it all tumbles south, after all, I am recently brain damaged. so I have an excuse to fall back on. It was just that I was hoping to have a small win under my belt for the first delivery back and I don't think this is going to be that win, even if it goes okayish. It will still be nice to stretch the training legs a little however and get a more accurate sense of where I am on the scale of professional recovery. I should get some feedback from participants from the session and that will tell a lot, but I suspect it isn't going to be quite where it was once upon a time and I will have to settle for middle of the pack.
It is a funny thing. I don't care much about meeting other people's expectations personally (although it is important in terms of training delivery), however, failing to meet my own expectations of myself - sucks ass! Yeah, I know that my expectations on performance has to adjust with my own own personal conditions, but my head doesn't want me to realize I have altered capabilities to the extent I have. It is also friggen' annoying to have to admit it to myself and others that I am as limited as I am, especially since in the past, at least in regards to training, I could be thrown difficult cases on short timeframes and be counted on pulling it together. Out of the several dozen deliveries over the last three years, I can count on half a hand the ones where the client was less than happy - and they were clients that were never happy.
But, happy or not, they are going to get a delivery to the best of my ability, whether that is enough for them is yet to be seen and the worst part is, I have a follow up session scheduled to go over what I was meant to go over* in one session... If it doesn't go well tomorrow - that's gonna be awkward.
Come on crypto...
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
