When I first came to Finland, I saw something that I had never seen before, and I was reminded of this in the AirBnB we are staying in. Over the years I have brought this up with many Finnish people, yet they don't share my observations, and think I am a bit crazy. The common thing many Finns do is,
Couples sleep with separate blankets.
Maybe I am crazy.
But, my theory is that couples who sleep with separate blankets are far more likely to break up, and from the people I know who have divorced, I have a perfect strike rate. Of course, this could be chance or just the odds of so many couples doing it, but my theory is solid.
Firstly though, the arguments I hear in support of separate blankets is generally for comfort. It means that two people who (like my wife and I) have different "body temperatures", can sleep with blankets that cater to their needs, giving them both a better night's sleep. That is great, I get it. Another argument is similar, where one is restless or "steals" the blankets in their sleep, leaving their partner disrupted and cold, which again, ruins sleep.
These make perfect sense for a good night's sleep.
However, my argument is not about sleep quality, it is about the quality of the relationship itself. Yes, a good night's sleep likely adds value to a quality relationship, but what I have "identified" observationally, is that those who sleep with separate blankets, tend not to compromise as much for each other. They tend to value their own comfort over that of their partner, and it isn't just in the bedroom. They seem to live quite separate lives in some way, where they aren't willing to be uncomfortable for the other, whether under the covers (I don't have evidence for this), or in interest areas and hobbies. They tend not to listen to each other quite as much and talk past each other more, often avoiding conflicts.
Like a fight over midnight stolen covers.
It sounds quite silly, doesn't it? Yet, in the years since I have brought it up with friends, and after several broken relationships, some of them made the shift to the dark side - the one blanket relationship. And, what they have found is that they don't sleep badly most of the time, but they have made some kind of mental shift to be more considerate in their relationship. This isn't just the blanket itself, but more what the blanket represents, and once it is in their awareness, they are more likely to think about their actions and how it affects the other person too.
And of course, it doesn't hurt too much to have a little skin contact also.
However, I think that we are increasingly living in a self-absorbed world, where "self-care" of the individual doesn't include the social needs of the individual. As a result, while people maximize their own "comfort" levels, they cost themselves relationship strength. It isn't just for romantic relationships either, as people are also willing to get uncomfortable with friends, family, strangers too.
We order takeout, home delivery, put in earbuds, bury our face in a screen, sit in front of a streaming service, and do anything we can to reduce our chances of having to interact with people directly. It is more comfortable, as we aren't annoyed by the stupidity of others who don't know how to interact with people, and have no situational awareness, by degrading our own skills similarly.
We isolate ourselves.
And sure, it is just a blanket, or two blankets as the case may be. But, I do think it represents something and it is just a step away from separate bedrooms altogether, which is a growing trend among young couples, which is no surprise. Younger generations seem less willing to be momentarily uncomfortable, especially when they can choose an option where they are not. It is likely because of this that so many avoid long-term relationships and family altogether, because it cramps their lifestyle - something that they aren't willing to compromise upon.
But, where does an uncompromising life lead?
At least in my opinion, long-term, it likely goes down a path that ends with being relatively alone, and if not careful, lonely. Just like sitting in front of a screen together isn't really a quality shared experience, the more we favor ourselves over our relationships, the less of ourselves we share, the less people know of us, and the more irrelevant we become.
I think if you look at the way we keep disconnecting from each other, we also keep looking for more meaning in our lives, without seeing the correlation. No one to interrupt us, no one to cater for, no one to wake us up in the middle of the night. However, also no one to care if we live or die, except in regards to paying a share of the living expenses.
Everything comes with a compromise - a cost.
Even a good night's sleep.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]