This morning, I had to call a government office. A youngish sounding woman picked up the phone and said her name and I replied with, "Hi, how are you going today Janina?" - and she giggled like a school girl talking to her crush - which I found amusing. Past that, the service was good and Janina pleasantly and quickly got me on the right track for my needs and we wished each other a nice day and got on with our lives.
Once upon a time I would spend many afternoons with friends at a cafe, where we would catch up after work for a coffee and a chat about whatever. Often we would sit there for several hours and perhaps have a drink or two. Each time the waiter would come and clean the cups and glasses from the table, I would thank them as they did so and after a couple times, one friend said, You don't need to thank each time, I am sure they remember from last time. My reply to this was to point out that every other table was cluttered with glasses as they were busy, but the waiter made a point of cleaning ours as often as she could.
Treating people well and personally has a huge effect on how they behave and while there are personal benefits to do so, for example good service or a clean table, it isn't all selfish, as it increases the enjoyment for others too and provides a greater sense of job satisfaction, as there is a feeling of appreciation through personal attention.
I think that a lot of what would have been considered common courtesy has been lost, where people feel they no longer need to treat people like people. Part of this might be down to the "rush" that many think they have which supposedly gives them no time for brief pleasantries, more might be due to self-importance where people see themselves and their problems as above others - but I think a large part of it is down to the loss of interpersonal skills through a lack of interpersonal interaction, as so much of it is no longer done face to face.
When we are dealing through phones and screens, it is easy to lose sight of the person on the other side as being human at all. This is pretty obvious when observing interactions on social media, but I don't think people pay much attention as the habits spill-out into the real world, where people start to lose the personal contact with those around them.
At least from my observations, there seems to be a far greater focus of attention of discussions to represent and brand oneself with far less listening or inquiring about others involved. I think that this is mirroring how most use social media, which is essentially a mechanism to advertise oneself for likes, hearts and stars, with most interactions driven by a desire for some kind of personal feedback, without having to consider who is "listening" on the other end, as the audience is filled with unfamiliars.
It is about broadcasting, not receiving. And I think that because of this, we are forgetting or perhaps have largely forgotten how to interact with people for a win-win scenario, one where both parties walk away getting what they want, which could be as simple as the validation of a job well done. I think that because of this degradation in social skills, social skills become even more important, as they enter into a scarcity model, with those who are good at dealing with people having a valuable and leverageable skill.
Some people see thinking about and developing social skills as manipulative, as it exerts influence and changes behavior of others, yet everything we do falls under that category in some way. Funnily, many of the people who see the potential negatives and opportunity for abuse, are the very people who treat people poorly to begin with, without seeing that their own behavior is exerting influence on others and changing their behavior - negatively.
In my opinion, building a good relationship means creating an environment and attitude where both parties can be at their best and while this is important for long-term couples, it is also important for short-term interactions. Some people see service people as servants that are paid to do their bidding, not as people who also have thoughts and feelings of their own. Treating people well with the attention they deserve as humans, will help create an environment conducive for them to work at their best and, it can provide the workplace feedback that what they do actually matters. After all, if it didn't matter, why are we asking for them to serve us? Showing *appreciation,' rather than expectation goes a long way.
We are often very quick to judge bad service, but much slower to recognize the role that we can play in the outcomes. Not only that, we expect service people to be emotionless despite their mood, while we justify our own because we know of the day we have had. In a world where people do not treat service people with a lot of respect, it is probably wise to assume that the last customer was unpleasant to deal with and the service person may carry over some latent negative feelings. Rather than take it personal, working a little to improve that environment can go a long way to increasing the chances of a successful and pleasant interaction, rather than a negative experience for both.
I have worked in all kinds of service jobs and have generally been the one to deal with angry or problem customers as I tend to defuse the situations rather than ramp them up. I have also successfully built long-term client relationships because I have a personal approach to dealing with the people I interact with in the real world. I find this harder to do online as I think there are a lot of cues missing as feedback, as well as an opaque view of most people, so it is harder to gauge what people are like.
This might be why the people who tend to spend most of the time in online relationships don't bother trying to get to know someone, and why it might affect their physical behavior, as through a lack of experience and trial and error, the skills required to read people's non-verbals and pay attention to expressions and tones might be at quite a low level. This is all speculation based on my personal observations, but I do feel the way people interact in the walking world has changed markedly over the last decade.
I also have observed a lot of the positives of not letting these skills slide and instead, improving them well past the average, as those who are able to hold themselves socially and have the presence of mind to consider others, tend to do far better in many regards, including in the workplace and their personal relationships. I think that anyone who is looking to improve their experience, might want to consider how they can affect it by improving the experiences of others too - it might take far less than we think to make a positive difference in someone's life.
Taraz
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