My wife dropped by for an hour, as she wanted to talk to someone about what has been happening and what will happen. She didn't bring our daughter tonight, though I would have liked to have seen her.
The doctor wasn't available, so the nurse gave her a rundown of why things are changing with my treatment and how things are going forward at this point.
While I was getting ready to go to the cafe (I am no longer allowed to walk and had to be in a wheelchair), the nurse mentioned several times to my wife that she needs to give me space to grieve, in order to come to terms with the life I am leaving behind, especially since it is unlikely I will return quite to where I was prior and it is likely that a lot of my edge will remain dull, even with effort in rehab.
My wife was a bit disappointed in what was being said, as she prefers to take the positive approach that I will recover, but I don't think it is about that, as much as the process to help accept reality and then move on.
These are the five commonly cited stages of grief and I guess they make sense if applied to my life that was. While it is early days, I suspect that I am still in the first stage, as I believe I will be okay.
Now, there is nothing wrong with the belief, but I think the grieving process is handy. What I mean is that while the goal is "acceptance", it can also be framed as detachment. This is an important part of moving forward, because if we are attached to our past and have an expectation about what our future holds, we can miss vital turning point or end up beating ourselves against an impossible wall.
Detachment isn't about resignation, it is about understanding the dynamics of flux and recalibrating to align to what is possible now, not what is possible under ideal conditions. Circumstances change and if we aren't prepared to drop what we know in order to pick up what we need, we can end up struggling unnecessarily.
Some people think that "fighting" is noble, without recognising that stubbornness is not a positive trait. There is a difference between dedication and tenacity, and an unwillingness to change. People tend to value holding their ground, even if it is detrimental.
One thing that I do disagree with that is often focused upon in grief, are the feelings themselves. A lot of people I have met seem to get caught in the state of the feeling, rather than the processes of it, and I think it slows them down on their journey drastically. It is easy to forget that we can progress through active steps, despite the way we feel, rather than waiting for optimal points, as feelings are very rarely ever going to feel "right" when dealing heavily in the negatives of life. But, they can feel right to the point that we dwell and sink into them, getting stuck in the rut, caught in the slump, no longer with the momentum to take small steps into the next stages.
I dont know how I am going to approach my rehab and I don't think grieving my past is the answer, but I do see some potential benefits in taking my time to think about San approach and developing a training plan for myself. It might not be what many would do, but part of knowing myself under many conditions is that I have a fair idea about how I will react to circumstances. This gives me a rough path forward, based on my own experience, with the leeway to consider and include new techniques to help me move more effectively.
I was reading about recoveries after mild strokes and how many have thought it is quite easily done, with little formal effort. However, what they are discovering is that while daily activity returns fast and a lot of people get in with their lives, they are actually missing sole of the complex processes, because they didn't stress test well enough to dive deep into themselves. This leaves them struggling in ways they hadn't even considered.
I dont yet know all the things that have been affected in me, but I assume that while there are some obvious points, there are many more that lay beneath the surface. I plan on uncovering them to see if I can improve them, rather than find out when there is little left to be done.
I am not going to grieve all I was, but I can pre-grieve, just in case I will never resemble that person again. Who I become might not be as greater loss, as it is a net gain. Time will tell.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
