Next week I am off to Norway for a work trip and will be gone early Monday until late Friday, so all of my Daddy duties are on hiatus - it is going to be weird, since we have been together so much over the last few years. And, since at the end of the month my wife is turning "older" and the thing she wants is some time to herself, I am going to take my daughter away for a few nights to Helsinki, where we can spend time in a hotel with hopefully a pool, a nice breakfast and a couple things to do - a trip to an interactive science museum and to an aquarium.
I am looking forward to it - except, I would like some time off too!
I was saying to my brother the other day that it feels like I sit at this computer 19 hours for 5 days of the week and, 12 hours the other two days. I know I don't "have to" but at the same time, it is a bit of an escape from reality for me. I don't get to escape very far and there are interludes of family life too, but I still get the sense that this is the opportunity for me to make a difference.
It was the end of the quarter yesterday and my supervisor informed me that I hit all of my Q1 targets which means, I will get my full quarterly bonus. They do quarterly instead of yearly, which I feel makes us more effective to do the work, but the goals are smaller and feel easier to obtain and, they are more tailored and useful - I like it. My bonus is decent too, as it is around 15% of my salary, which makes a difference to the balance sheet, as it is effectively another 45% on top every three months. The next is due summertime, but I am unsure if I will get the full amount, as we are likely going to be at a larger stretch this quarter. But, it feels gamified!
For me though, the IRL money is not as significant as it once was, but I like the challenge of meeting targets and the most important thing it offers is the opportunity to not need crypto for a little longer. I am able to spend on some extras (like a hotel room for a couple nights) without having to worry whether I will have to cut back on groceries or use a credit card for fuel the following month. I have been in some pretty bad financial situations in my life and I know many others have or are too, but after all these years, it is nice to have even a short period of respite.
One of my "biggest fears" in my life and major stressors for most of the last 40+ years is not having enough money. I am sure I am not alone with this. In the past when it was just me, it was okay to get by with not enough, but now with my daughter and wife, it scares me. We have had some "difficult times" due to several things over the last few years, but at some point I feel that those should end ... shouldn't they?
I am nearing my mid-40s and still worrying about money, whereas a little more than 100 years ago, I would have already been nearing the grave. What is better? Hard to say, but I was reading the other day that the Finnish government are trying to calm the younger generations saying "you will get a pension - it is safe" but adding, be prepared to work until you are significantly older.
How fucking old? 80?
Is that the sign of a healthy economy? I don't bloody well think so! It shows that it is fundamentally broken and that the only way it is still able to move at all is that we keep feeding it with debt and underpaid work. Take those away and it collapses in on itself and the machine flatlines very fast.
I don't want to live like this.
So, I will work my goddam ass off now and even if it kills me, at least my wife and daughter can have the benefits of the work put in. Sure, people can argue that they might rather my presence than the money (not many might argue this) but I will tell you, if I am forced to work until I am a great grandfather, always struggling to make ends meet - I am not going to be a joy to be around - they might wish me dead.
At least in working myself to death, I can go out with some respect.
Taraz
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