I have been driving for over thirty years now, and for all of those years bar the last four, I have been driving manual cars. It has been nice to drive an automatic, which might come down to age and no longer caring about any kind of performance.
I now drive a VW station wagon.
However, it was "moving day" for my in-laws, who have made the decision to go into a partially serviced apartment, as they get ready for their last days on this earth. Sure, it might be a few more years yet, but they know they have less in front, than the many they have behind. But, because of this, we had a massive van for the move and it was a manual. I picked it up last night.
Stalled it at the first stop.
Embarassing.
And then, I stalled it again ten minutes later.
Still embarassing.
Sure, no one would have cared, but in my own head, I felt like that fifteen year old kid who felt he'd never be able to do all those movements, plus indicate for a corner. But after a few minutes, all the embedded behaviors came flooding back into my body and there was no issue at all. I drove around all day, reversing that sucker into various small places and didn't stall it once more.
Then I got back into my automatic car.
It was like I had never driven an automatic before. I kept on looking for the clutch and trying to change gears. And, while this was annoying, it was also amusing and it reminded me of how strong habits are to break, and how easy they are to pick up again. Like riding a bike.
I haven't ridden a bike in twenty years either.
I smoked for over a decade, but once I stopped, I have made sure not to "tempt fate" because I know that if I have one, it will very quickly feel natural and right, and it will lead to the second, the third and then, a problem habit once again. It doesn't take much to fall back into old grooves.
But it takes a lot of effort to get out of them!
As I have been looking more objectively at my own habits, I have recognized how much effort it is going to take to get them on track and pointing toward the type of person I want to become. In some way, it is depressing to look at the mountain ahead, but I guess it is also motivating also, since it is a kind of adventure, an exploration, and a reimagining of what I believe myself to be.
What I am at the moment though is pretty physically tired. I haven't done this kind of labor for a while either, and my body unfortunately doesn't just "remember" and get stronger after ten minutes of doing it. Physical labor isn't like riding a bike. So, I will go and chill on the couch with a glass of wine for a while, to let my mind and body have a breather, before getting it back into my normal routine again - my habits.
Side note before going: This was one of the fastes moves I have been a part of, because my in-laws were so organized with their packing and there was essentially nothing extra. We started at 9 in the morning, and by 6, everything was moved, unpacked, organized and the only thing left to do, is hang the last two pictures on the wall. And the only reason that didn't happen was, the hooks were the wrong size.
Taraz
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