At a corner shop at the train station, whilst searching for something relatively healthy to munch on, I started talking to an American tourist here for the Ice Hockey World Championships that are currently on in the city. Me being the good local asked how he was enjoying it and essentially he was complaining about how boring the city is. Granted, it isn't the most exciting city in the world at the stretch of even the most active imagination, but with tens of thousands of tourists around and the spring weather currently good, the bars and terraces are full with chanting hockey fans and locals enjoying the change of pace.
So, how much of our experience is our fault?
I think about this relatively often and I know that over the last years, a lot of my own experience in life has felt "dictated" by conditions. This has meant that I feel forced to do certain things in life, which is predominantly due to now having a young child who has needed a little extra attention than the average in her early years. As a result, I feel that I have changed my outlook on life, where rather than making the most of conditions, I feel more oppressed by them.
However, it might not just be my family situation that has affected this, since in general, the Finnish culture is renowned for its inability to make the most of a situation and instead, blame moods on conditions - present and past.
As I reflect on this now, I realize how far I have let this go and over the last year, I think it has increased even further, as after the stroke I feel I have become a little more disillusioned and demotivated. As a natural skeptic, this is a potentially dangerous path to walk, as it is easy to slip a little further into disconnection and depression. I don't want to go there. Also, I don't think it sets a very good model for my daughter and that is something that regardless of how I feel in life, I have to suck it up to provide the best conditions for her and since they are never perfect, encourage the skillset to do the best she can with the resources she has.
Resources are important and it is more than time, money and material. If anything, our mental resources are the most valuable resource we have, as it is this that filters our world and delivers experience. And because of this, the less able I am to make the most of the conditions I have available, the more it indicates that my mental state isn't optimal and therefore, I need to adjust.
My brother says, "Design you life, don't live by default" and I think that this is part of the problem I have, as the defaults start to overwhelm the design tools. And the more this happens, the more it will happen, like sprained ankles that weaken the tendons and increases the chances of lower stress causing the next strain.
Just like compound interest can bring large scale gains over time, letting small things slide will lead in the opposite direction and bit by bit, the costs start to mount up until it is insurmountable, or - feels insurmountable. I feel this in my weight gain and need for loss - it seems "impossible" but the thing is in reality, I am only a handful (maybe two hands) of kilos over where I need to be. I can't imagine what it must be like for some people who have been packing on the pounds for years on end and don't want to.
That is another "problem" in society these days in my opinion. There is this cultural movement to "love yourself the way you are" even if you are unhappy with the way you feel, look or with other factors that are important to you. This means that instead of doing something about it, many people just dive deeper into the conditions of their unhappiness, fooling themselves into thinking that this is "the way they have to be". Interestingly, this reinforces a consumer mentality.
Have you ever noticed that the more we consume, the unhappier we get?
I am not just talking about the food I eat, but in a general sense of consumption. It seems that even when we are able to buy all of the toys we want, it is like empty calories that don't satiate us for long, before we are looking to eat again. And then even if we have a "bigger meal" we are still not satisfied, because we aren't getting what we need from it.
What do I need?
While many say it, I question how many of us are truly content in life, as those who say they are, tend to still want for more (or less) of something. They speak as if they are enlightened, yet seem to struggle and dislike their experience just as much as the next Joe.
Trains are good places to sit and reflect.
I guess it is the trapped audience with oneself that does it. I remember hearing somewhere that we each need to find our own purpose in life and the advice was to go into an empty room with a pad and pen and don't come out until you have discovered what that is. Of course, our purpose might change over time depending on what we experience and change ourselves, but I think the advice is sound.
And maybe this is the "directed" feeling from the current conditions, as regardless of my own purpose in life, there are other people relying on me to do certain things, which means my aims get put on the backburner. Maybe realizing this allows for the acceptance of it and instead of feeling like missing out, it can be seen as taking a different route to the same end. Perhaps even, the different route will evolve the current purpose into something other.
We all live under various conditions that are unique to us, but perhaps some are better at "making the most of it" than others. Some, no matter how good conditions might be, might never be content, never enjoy, because their mental condition is poor. All conditions are constantly changing, however when it comes to our mental condition, it is our responsibility as to how we develop ourselves or, let ourselves degrade.
Do I want to be better or worse?
That is up to me - No matter the city I find myself in.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]