Tomorrow is my first speech therapy session with a therapist who doesn't speak English and requires a translator. Suffice to say, I am not getting my hopes up. I am sure I will get something out of it, but there is no way that they will be able to provide the nuanced support needed to get my speech back to where it was - or hopefully better.
I have some paralysis around the left side of my mouth which makes it feel like my lip is curling in when I speak, but worse than that - I can't whistle. Fair enough, I was never going to win any whistling awards, but my daughter laughed at me today and said "you are just blowing!"
Not being able to whistle a tune is not the end of the world, however I have wanted to go to a speech therapist since I was a child, because I have a lisp. While it was worse when I was younger and is only really noticeable to most people when I am tired, I would like to see if there is a way that I can correct it, rather than just avoid S-words. I also think that it has gotten a little worse now that my lip is paralyzed, even though I am probably better at tastin' the lady bacon.
That is my attempt at channeling my inner
@meesterboom, and failing.
As someone who speaks a lot for a living, the qualities of my voice are quite important and have a large effect on outcomes. Generally, there is more information in how it is said, than what is actually said and if you are face to face, there is also the body language that gets coupled with the attributes of the voice. I would posit that talking IRL to many of the people who are so bold from behind the screen would make what they say far less influential. Probably seeing them would have this affect anyway.
What I am interested in learning from the therapist is firstly how they identify potential problem and target areas and then of course, how they go about troubleshooting them, as each person is slightly different or carries a somewhat unique cluster of points that lead to the issue. Shape of mouth, teeth or tongue, strength in muscles in and around the mouth and how fast they can move, as well as probably other things.
Since the stroke, I have also developed a bit of a stutter, which I kind of expected would happen now that my brain is not aligning well. I remember as a kid (may not be true) that a lot of the people with a stutter tend to be quite smart, because their brain is moving faster than their mouth is able to keep up. Anecdotally, the few people I have known with pronounced stutters have also been the people who have been pretty intelligent.
That isn't my lot though, as while my mouth isn't moving fast enough for my brain, it isn't the speed or clarity of thought that is the issue, it is the opposite. It seems to skip and jump more erratically now and it hits many blank spots, so my mouth is halfway through saying something and then the brain says - "I don't know where this sentence was going".
This sucks.
Because a lot of my value at work has come through being able to start a sentence without having a solution and my brain working through to find one by the time I finish speaking, making it seem like I had a solution all along, but was actually processing it on the spot. I do this in a slower form when I write too, as most everything I submit is a freewrite that has very little direction from the start, other than a barely formed idea, a sentence, a title or a picture. Often, where I start is not where I end up, because I process on the fly.
This is why it is cathartic for me to write, because I am able to dive into a piece in one frame of mind or concept and then explore alternative positions and perspectives as I go, processing many thousands of sentences to whittle it down to 1000-odd words. yes, this TL:DR is the concise version of my thoughts - I don't need to pad it out, the "challenge" is cutting it down.
But tomorrow I will know more as to whether this therapist can help me, but the loud laugh that escaped from my neurologist when I told him the situation, doesn't fill me with confidence. I will go in with an open mind though - and try to open my mouth.
This is actually a bit of a weird aversion, as while I talk a lot with people face to face and in front of largish groups, I really dislike having people judge my voice. When I talked to the therapist I asked for at the hospital two months ago, I had to force myself to fight the urge of saying, "I'm fine" and just keep my mouth shut, even though I know I need it.
I don't do karaoke.
But who knows, things might go really well with the rehab and soon I will end up with a voice made for radio, which would be great - as it would then match my face.
It is all about alignment.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
