Nothing looks real as in tangible enough to rest on.
Today looks just like yesterday in terms of normalcy.
Yesterday stretches back into months and years with little variance between peak excitement and utter monotony.
At this point in time, it seems modern life has already peaked past its vibrancy and is now descending back to mere existence. The type that only allows for bare minimum to upheld survival.
But the unavoidable contrast is Nature's life of vibrancy that is both near yet so far away.
Far away through the walls of human constructs(cities, screens, self-imposed isolation, etc) but near enough with its raw presence in every breeze and untamed sound to give them a fleeting taste of life unburdened by expectation.
The sky is at maximum brightness, the plants are basking in pure sunlight and the animals are going about their day as if existence is effortless.
It is no longer enough to sit underneath Nature like a child sitting on the heels of her mother receiving borrowed vitality for the bleakness of inner numbness to be blasted off into oblivion.
This has now become a temporary solution to a yet to be identified problem.
The child can't leave without the mother. The mother wants the child to leave without her. There's an implicit agreement that isn't explicitly communicable due to the paradox of necessary abandonment.
Both know the child must leave to truly live, but neither can say it directly because it would make the separation feel like rejection that would throw away all hope of reconciliation between the self and the world it longs to inhabit fully.
Need to find the third party that brokered this agreement as a way to source the unidentified problem.
Vibrancy can't co-exist with bleakness comfortably for long before one starts attacking the other in an effort to reign supreme. Monopoly has its roots in this very intolerance and extends into the fabric of perception itself.
So many proxy wars are fought within. Borrowed vitality battling authentic numbness, nature's effortless being clashing with human questioning, the real fighting the unreal for dominance over what gets to feel substantial.
In this internal conflicts, nothing emerges unscathed or solid enough to rest upon. Reality becomes the casualty of these opposing forces as one claims legitimacy while rendering the other, and ultimately everything, insubstantial.
You're not truly living, just existing, which is why you need to borrow vitality from Nature.
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