Blaming; the survival game . 🐲🐉💗

swedishdragon(68)

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Blame derives from the most basic of human needs: to distinguish between those who are likely to promote our interests and well-being and those who may thwart those interests and do us harm

Because blame is essential to survival, people are preoccupied with it.

Think of how many times you’ve heard or seen the phrase “the blame game.”

Think about how many times you’ve blamed people in your own life, either upfront and in person, or in covert narratives swirling in your head while you are cooking a meal, mowing the lawn, or unable to sleep.

And think about your reaction to being blamed by others.

At one time, psychological theories of blame, which were based on judgments of legal responsibility, were highly rational:
That is, they listed all the factors that needed to be taken into account before blame could be determined. These included factors such as whether the person to be blamed thought about her harmful actions in advance, whether her actions were accidental or coerced, whether she foresaw and directly caused the harm that occurred, and whether she fully understood what she was doing or was under pressure from external sources (such as a gun pointed at her head).

The things we blame people for in everyday life—breaking our hearts, being rude, dishonest, inconsiderate, or selfish—are beyond the pale of the law.
And so, we are under no obligation in our ordinary lives to act like jurors in a criminal investigation. Instead;

we have free reign to blame anyone we want for anything they’ve done, even if the things we blame them for were largely our own fault!

More importantly, though, I think that forgiveness can be overrated and blame undervalued. Should women who have been sexually abused forgive their attackers?

Should children whose parents abandoned or mistreated them also be forgiving, especially if the parents continue to be uncaring or unreceptive?
Women in abusive relationships who continually forgive their abusers run the risk of being seriously harmed.
Furthermore, self-blame is a real and pervasive phenomenon: Victims who forgive their perpetrators may blame themselves and live with consequences, such as low self-esteem and depression.

One last thing. Blame is a form of self-expression.

By blaming people who have harmed us, we are taking a stand. We are saying that we won’t accept mistreatment. We are saying that we expect to be treated with the same kindness, considerateness, and generosity that we extend to others.
We are saying that we expect a certain standard of morality and civility from others

So my advice is that if you are inclined to blame your partner for cheating on you, your father for mistreating you, or your boss for firing you, first step back and get your facts straight—the real facts, not the alternative ones.