It happened again.. what a shitty day.
It feels like I'm in this endless cycle of waking up sleep deprived, feeling like crap the whole day, distracting myself with meaningless menial tasks, grinding through work in the evening, then, finally feeling a bit better at night, getting a drink, relaxing and unwinding by binging Netflix or falling down an internet wormhole until stupid AM, at which point I curse myself and saying I'm not going to do this tomorrow..
Today was a bit worse than most days.. but only a bit.. I guess the sleep deprivation and alcohol is starting to get to me. I had 3 beers last night.. about average for me.. but I had a crippling hangover all day..
I think a lot of it is also stress induced.. all the things I keep putting aside or sweeping under the rug for later. They must be nagging at my subconscious and doing wonders for my frayed nerve endings..
Why is it the things that we want in life often seem to be the things that give us the most resistance.. having a drink and watching a movie is easy.. it's enjoyable.. at the time.. it feels like crap later though.
Getting up and running 5km is painful.. just the thought of it makes me drag my feet.. but I know if I do I'll feel great later! So why don't I?
Why is it so easy to just slip into a default routine of distractions and distressing? On this stage, excuses take a lead role. That big project I have to do.. always seems so BIG.. I don't have time for it NOW.. I'll do it later...
Even simple housework can seem like such a CHORE.. oh wait.. those are chores.. nvm..
But still.. my mind is fucked.. I need to find a way to hack my mental/emotional coping mechanisms that cause me to shutdown in the face of productivity, and opt to duck and cover to the nearest more pleasurable pastime instead.
Right now the rat race that im running is becoming more of a downward spiral into a wasted life of missed opportunities. I'm not looking for empathy.. I need something drastic to shake me out of this. I'm fed up with disappointing myself and those around me..
Do you have any advice? Tips, tricks, hacks, mental cow-prods to jump start a productive energetic life and break the loop of monotony and sleeplessness?
Please feel free to share your tools of the trade or secret routines that have helped you.. cause I'm at wits end! 馃樀
Thanks.. and stay savvy! 馃槑
