What is the purpose of existence? Once I thought about this dumb thing, it never left me. Since then, I have been wondering: why was I born? Not just me, why does this universe and everything beyond it exist? If there is God, then sure okay, maybe He was just bored. If there is none, and it just big bang and stuff, then it is more confusing. Anyways, I do not have anything new on this topic for now.
But today, I was wondering about something usual.
What if I were to live?
With this, I mean, really living. Not just waking up every morning, doing the things I have choosen or forced to do, earning money to pay bills, and then going back to bed (I love this thing tho), and repeat this cycle till I exist.
Now, someone, more like an optimist will say that waking up alone is enough to be thankful. I do agree, and that too being a healthy person is just cherry. But the point is to live, not to survive.
So, sometimes as right now, I wonder what life would look like if I were not so occupied with surviving. What if I had the freedom to choose how I wanted to spend my days, whom I wanted to spend them with? And stuff like this.
One thing is sure: I would want to do things on my own terms.
Narcissistic behaviour! Anyways, I am not saying that I, or we, should abandon society, move to the mountains, and just pretend that money does not exist. As much as I love the idea of freedom, I would still like to live a reserved life. Because some dreams, like this one, are philosophical; others are simply expensive. Poor me :)
But to answer, do I have to play God?
Maybe not. Maybe I am just overthinking. Actually, I am not overthinking; I just trying to think. There is also possibility of just leaving this thought here, and move on to something meaningful. Like anything has meaning, if it really matter.
Hey a good anti-capitalist joke. Maybe I would not be talking too much this way, if I had enough money. Money is great. One thing needs clarification: I am not short on money. In case, you start to wonder that I might be feeling poor and depressed. Although the term "depressed" was not needed after "poor."
Anyways, back to the original thought.
Now, suppose I actually get to live the way I want. I get to choose how I spend my time, what I do and whom I spend my days with. Sounds heavenly, right? But what if someone else wants something different?
I mean, I am talking about "I" here. So, I cannot expect everyone to adjust their lives according to my wishes. They have their own lives, their own dreams and their own versions of what it means to live. So, whose choices should matter more?
If I insist on doing everything I like, without carrying about what anyone else wants, then I suppose I really would have to play God. I would be deciding that my wishes deserve priority over everyone else's. And that is a little too much power for someone who cannot even decide what to eat.
Maybe, freedom is not about getting everything I want. Maybe, it is about having enough space to make my own choices without making it impossible for others to make theirs.
Sounds reasonable and rational, but once again, this is what I think.
And here we go. I have turned my peaceful little philosophicall thought into another absurd disaster. That too without any intention to solve.
Maybe I should take my cough syrup and go to bed. The coughing does make the thoughts go wild.
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Peace 🕊️
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