We tend to assume that anyone who tells us that they love us but simultaneously says that they do not believe we should be together is lying. If love is sincere, it won’t stop at any obstacle, no matter how big. For this we are give two conditions: either you love a person and fight till the end, or you don’t love them. There is no in-between, and if there is, it is a deceit.
Underneath this all-powerful stance is an ideology of romanticism that insists that true love has nothing to do with rationalities or practicalities. This absolutist view quotes,
“A man in love will sleep for the rest of his life on a park bench for a woman he loves.”
Before moving on, there is more to this concept. If there are children from another relationship, if there is no money, if one of the parties lives abroad, if someone has mental illness, if there are cultural differences, if long—term goals contradicts, there will always be a way for love to succeed.
But there is another philosophy or I should say reality. It is more restrained and less esteemed, that balances a respect for emotions with an equal respect for the practical dimensions of life. This philosophy knows that however sympathetic our feelings may be, they cannot entirely mitigate or erase the impact of social rejection, opposed friend circle, difference of opinions, ongoing distance, or continuous alarms.
If we understand love as ultimately focused on the care and nurture of the other person, should we continue to label as loving a relationship that necessarily mires our partner in a succession of avoidable miseries? Are we so uniquely fitted to be with them as to justify the suffering our presence entails? Maybe, in the end, what we call so-called love is not about their happiness at all, but more about our own desires and comfort.
Of course, there are liars who will dress up their escapes as acts of generosity, but there are as many true ones who will quietly sacrifice themselves, following the later philosophy.
It maybe greater love still to adore a person and then, before wasting any more of their time, to leave them for the sake of their happiness (and ones own) .
Being honest, there is no other practical option. Even if you try to prioritize romanticism, it will prolong the suffering and ultimately, you will be ending the relationship on bad-terms with regrets.
I have been there. It’s been three years since we went our ways. I still think: were we really ready to let go, or is it that we didn’t just had a choice?
Sometimes moving on isn’t a decision we make, it’s the life we wake up to, with or without our permission. And the cruelest part is knowing that even if our hearts refuse to move on, time will drag us forward. It’s just like being pulled from a place we still beg to stay. Yes, life is complicated and hard to swallow, but still, do we have any other option?
Yes, there maybe few instances, if the heart says you can hold up to the obstacles do it, follow your heart.
But reality says the later and choice is all yours.
In the end, just a simple tip, if it brings peace, it’s love; if it steals peace, just leave.
Just because a relationship ends, it does not mean that it was a failure.
You chose to live peacefully and rationally rather than forcing sufferings and chaos on each other. You just cannot force others to stay, this is reality and one should accept it.
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Peace 🕊
(Picture taken from FB while scrolling)
