Spinning (Wrote a few days after finding my best friend dieing)
I've been so far down in this hole, it's taking its toll and corrupting my soul
Sometimes I fell like I'll never be whole, and I've lost all self control
Pushing everybody away, a little more everyday, I cant even bring myself to pray
Putting out cigs in the ashtray, I feel like I'm living my life on display
Cause Ive never been right since the day I found my best friend dead, I still remember the last words he said
At this point in my life I feel like I'm splitting threads, and all I see is red
Because its been a long road and its so hard not to explode
I know I gotta let this pain go, before it's to late and I implode
But I'm hunted by these nightmares, making me feel like there's nothing out there
And I swear I don't even remember what it feels like to care, because of all this despair
In the end I'm left a drug user, abuser, and cynical fucking loser
13 to 19 (Man I hated the world when I was a teenager)
I'm popping pills and drinking booze praying to God that I don't wake up
On probation and got them aggravated cause I wont piss in there fucking cup
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, pulling me down like boulders
Flipping through my life like open folders and as the time passes I get a little colder
Some times I want to die, writing rhymes so don't do 25 to life
Feeling like a low life, I want to make this girl my wife, but I can't because live by the knife
So don't tell me you know how I feel, cause you don't, I'm not even sure if I can ever heal
Cause I'm feeling so unreal, steady starring at the steel
Thoughts On Life
In the end dose anything matter? Looking back through a shoot glass, things came and things passed, some good and some bad. I've had good friends and worst enemies. Things changed and some things stayed the same. So I guess life just rolls on to the beat of a silent scream. So live or die, do what you need to, just live right.
