Steve's Rules of Life

VULGARITY WARNING!

Current mood: amused

I have compiled this list at the great personal cost of many injuries,
icepacks, aspirins, and comforting neckrubs.
But no fucking menudo, that's just disgustin

1. Drink like a motherfucker NOW, coz once your body goes to shit,
   hangovers hurt worse
2. Get all the ass you can NOW, coz once your body goes to shit, you'll
   only manage to be able to do it once a day
3. Don't do a lot of coke, unless your rich anyway. The high/$ don't
   match.
4. Don't get a coffee habit, coz once your body goes to shit, you'll
   never sleep again
5. Type all your myspace shit in word or notepad, coz myspace will
   crash anytime you get longwinded
6. Keep your body in shape, so it don't go to shit so fucking soon
7. Don't get cancer, coz it will make your body go to shit faster.
8. Join the military at least once - it's funner then college with less
   pretentious assholes per square inch
9. Tatoos are addictive, so plan your inking before you run out of money
10. Don't quit a $70k/yr job to start your own business unless you KNOW
    your going to strangle the dumbshits at work for goddamn sure
11. Don't brag about the hookers and strippers you've nailed, especially
    if you're dorky with wimmin
12. Don't pick up more then two chicks at once unless at least ONE of
    them eats pussy
13. Keep your body in shape coz it's not like a wife you can get a
    younger model with bigger tits once it wears out - you just get the
    bigger tits
14. Laugh your ass off when you do stupid shit - Everyone else is gonna
    anyway, so you might as well enjoy it too
15. If you work more then 60 hrs a week, it's your own fault if your
    dick falls off
16. If you even look at street hookers, it's your own fault if your dick
    falls off - spend a little extra
17. Stupid people are for laffing at, not beating with baseball bats,
    despite what your heart tells you
18. Don't get married until you've slept with 10 women, but don't pass
    up the perfect wife to sleep with 100
19. Paperwork exists, and will get worse every year until the human race
    is buried in rules, regulations, permits, and licences.
20. Most women like getting spanked, even if they deny it
21. People believe what they want to believe, and facts and logic be
    damned (for them)
22. Beating your head against the wall might hurt, but less so then
    giving up
23. Make your own fucking choices and live with the consequences
24. Never regret your stupidest moves; just don't do it again
25. You owe your parents bigtime, even if they suck. Since they
    probably DON'T, keep them happy.
26. If you do get married, you have given your word. Don't cheat on her.
27. Squeeze out a stinker just when life gets serious
28. She owes you a blowjob if you hold her purse. Even if she don't
    like blowjobs. Even if she's just a friend.
29. Don't just sit there with "who pumped the neighbor's cat" look on
    your face. Do something
30. He who dies with the most toys STILL wins