It's a basic psychology principle that can affect us in a whole host of ways. The phenomenon shows itself mostly when it comes to stepping out of our comfort zone or when we decide to make plans that can help us achieve success in almost any arena.
If you are unaware of the spotlight effect you are probably awaiting a little clarification on exactly what it is. I'm going to pose a few questions and once I've done that and you've had a few moments to ponder your responses I'll go on to explain how it works you can decide if you are indeed a victim of this insidious inhibitor of success and killer of progress even at the times in life when you know what you plan to achieve.
When you walk in to a room full of people do you feel self-conscious?
Do you feel anxious when you need to speak in front of people?
If you have a few cross words with a colleague at work, do you assume everyone knows afterwards and that they are talking about you?
Would you go out to eat in a restaurant or to a bar alone or would you consider that people may think you don't have any friends?
Let me explain the philosophy behind the spotlight effect and then you can consider the answers that popped in to your mind as you read the questions above.
The spotlight effect is a phenomena whereby people feel that everything they do is noticed, maybe even judged by everyone in their life. It gets it's name from the idea that they are trailed by a spotlight and everybody is noticing every micro-event that happens to them. Many people feel that they simply must attend a party or a work event because their absence will be judged harshly if they are seen to not be there.
An even greater number of people after experiencing a breakup fear that absolutely everyone they encounter has heard all about it on the grapevine and is now pitying, mocking or blaming them.
This is very common indeed. People tend to vastly overestimate just how much attention other people are paying to the things they get up to in their day to day life. Often when you do not turn up to that event, most people do not even notice. When you walk in to a restaurant alone an incredibly small number of people may turn round and look at you but they would perhaps do that if the door opened and anybody walked in.
These phenomena can create a sense of almost social paralysis in an individual, they can be fearful of leaving the house for work in the morning if they develop a pimple or they are having a bad hair day. Sometimes people receive an item of clothing or a pair of shoes that they love as a gift so they choose to wear them for work, half way there, they start to question if they are nearly as stylish as they first thought. At that point they can start to develop anxiety about them and start to notice all manner of perceived imperfections or begin to think they are not even as nice as they previously believed, they are certain that others will notice this the second they step in to the office.
This is very common indeed. People tend to vastly overestimate just how much attention other people are paying to the things they get up to in their day to day life. Often when you do not turn up to that event, most people do not even notice. When you walk in to a restaurant alone an incredibly small number of people may turn round and look at you but they would perhaps do that if the door opened and anybody walked in.
If you already suffer from any type of anxiety, especially social anxiety the effect can be incredibly traumatic. The overwhelming feeling of everyone noticing every mistake, slip of the tongue or fashion faux pas can be crushing. Just try explaining to a person like this that nobody has really noticed whatever their latest fear is and they will hardly even hear your reassurances.
People suffering and in the grip of a spotlight effect episode believe that others can literally see how they are feeling on the inside, logically we know that others cannot see our internal state by any means yet the feeling that they can is utterly overwhelming.
There is a huge failure of empathy on show here, if people were able to imagine themselves in the position of some of those they fear are ceaselessly judging them, they would realise that their actions are simply not as interesting or as noticeable as they are imagining.
The effect can affect literally anybody of any age and many of us can relate to 'feeling on show' even though we knew it wasn't really very likely that we were. However the effects are felt most strongly among those in their teenage years and a little older. I imagine this is because this an age where superficial matters such as image, popularity and status perhaps even vanity are extremely prevalent factors in everyday life.
Think about just how important social hierarchy can be at this age. That constant fear of wearing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, liking the wrong band and having the wrong boyfriend or girlfriend. These young people believe they are one wrong choice away from being completely ostracized by their peers. Just think about the stereotypical groups youngsters fall in to at this age. The popular crowd, the cool kids the misfits, the geeks and nerds people rarely relish the thought of moving from one social circle to a perceived lesser one.
I believe strongly that the spotlight effect has a bearing at least in part to people's irrational phobia of public speaking. We have all seen even those we deem to be incredibly well adjusted and confident go to pieces, turn crimson and falter over their words and develop a stutter when speaking before a group. These individuals believe that they are being analysed in minute detail and every word is being scrutinised far more than it actually is.
This effect can be absolutely unbearable when it comes to stepping outside of your comfort zone and especially when striving for success or trying to make progress in an area or when reaching toward a personal goal. The fear of what people will think of us if we fail is infinitely harder to cope with than the thought of the failure itself.
So then, let's assume that you can relate to at-least some of the scenarios I have outlined and you acknowledge that the spotlight effect has or indeed does play a part in your decisions even if in some small way, what would my advice to you be?
First and foremost think about how little most people actually notice the things you do, people are notoriously more self obsessed than they are interested in what you are getting up to in your life. Considering that big goal or dream, how would you feel if you knew there was no point in pursuing something you previously wanted because the price of potential failure or derision from your peers is not worth it?
Next time you walk in to a full room a few minutes late, even though you are hugely embarrassed, make a quick estimate of how many people actually look straight at you. Next, after a half beat, discretely scan the room again to see how many people ae still looking at you I guarantee the number will be far, far less than you think, perhaps even zero.
Next up write a list of pros and cons about that goal you really wanted to achieve, how would your life be affected if you do or if you don't achieve it? I would urge you to answer this question as honestly as possible as it has huge, lasting ramifications for your whole life.
One thing I have always found utterly fascinating about this phenomenon is that it is almost narcissistic in it's mechanisms and yet is is rooted in anxiety and self conscious fears, these are two almost polar opposite states and should not be able to exist in the same space.
The only real way to overcome the spotlight effect is to either pay close attention to the next few encounters you have where you start to exhibit these feelings and force yourself to honestly look out for the social cues from others to validate your hypothesis that you are being judged, watched and scrutinised, you will likely not find them and if you do, it will be in far smaller measure than you may think.
The other method I would suggest is to simply resolve to act in a far more cavalier, 'devil may care' way and plough forward blanking out as many external stimuli as possible. When this is with the intention of going after those things that matter to you, those things that have the potential to bring meaning to your life it cannot be overstated how important it is to try as hard as you can to overcome this effect in order to achieve anything of note.
Ah but here's an interesting thought, if you are able to cancel out all the 'perceived' negative attention and energy and hit a significant goal don't wait for waves of admiration to come at you from everyone in the vicinity, because sadly they likely didn't even notice your success. That's because the spotlight effect is neither affective against positive or negative effects it is just a principle like any other... You are often just not as interesting, noticeable or important to everyone else as you may have thought!
Thank YOU for taking the time to read my post and if you're one of those amazing people who like to hit the comments section... Then I doubly thank YOU!
Either way I want you to know that you are appreciated!
@c0ff33a If you are an active UK member and would like to be added to the teamUK community on Discord, just let me know 馃槑