Episode 7
Scene 1
The Blazing Muffin and the four remaining Windsweepers have just arrived at a Swig Starbase. It is mostly owned and operated by Swig life forms, but there are a number of other species there as well. Pixel and Pokher are getting ready to upgrade the tech on the Windsweeper vessels. Blue is preparing to go out for some recreational activities on the starbase. Blackjack and Tom are having a chat.
Tom: Really, I could help with the tech upgrades.
Blackjack: But I want the upgrades to work, and I’m sure our new friends do, too.
Tom: I’m insulted.
Blackjack: Don’t be. You’ve been with us for about a month and it’s a steep learning curve, considering the primitive stuff your society produces. I mean, early 21st century Earth, you guys can’t even come near the speed of light yet, and we’re hundreds of times beyond that.
Tom (dejected): Yeah, yeah. I get it.
Blue floats into the room.
Blue: Ok, I’m going out.
Blackjack: Want some company? Tom and I can tag along if it’s ok.
Blue (hesitant): Well, I’d like that, but I’m going out looking for….well, it’s almost that time of the year.
Blackjack: Ohhhhhh, right. Yep, do what you gotta do, I understand.
Tom: What do you mean, Blue?
Blue: If I don’t mate with a group soon, I’ll have some behavioral problems.
Blackjack: That’s putting it mildly. She’ll start bouncing all over the ship and become the most colorful wrecking ball you’ve ever seen.
Blue pulses 50 shades of red and pink.
Blackjack: But hey, Blue, if Tom is with you then you’re sure to attract more attention.
Blue (insulted): What, I’m not beautiful enough to attract attention?
Blackjack: I didn’t mean it like that, Blue. It’s just that nobody out here has seen a human before.
Blue: Hmmm….I didn’t think about that. Well, ok, you two can come along. But once I find some takers, you two are on your own.
Tom: Why plural?
Blackjack: Swigs don’t mate one-on-one like humanoids do. They have group mating sessions only.
Tom: I see….
Blackjack (handing two objects to Tom): Here, you’ll need these.
Tom: A helmet and sunglasses?
Blackjack: When there are a lot of Swig in one place, it can be hard on the eyes. Too bright. Also, keep in mind they use telekinesis, so there’ll be objects flying all over the place.
Tom: Should I wear full body armor?
Blue: Probably not a bad idea. You’re pretty frail.
Tom: I was joking.
Blue: I wasn’t.
Scene 2
On The Blazing Muffin, Pixel and Pokher are chatting with Rogue as they upgrade the Windsweeper ships. Pixel is split into multiple entities as it multi-tasks.
Rogue: Amazing. I’ve never seen your type split before.
Pixel: Yeah, being in a few places has its advantages.
Pokher: Yeah, don’t ever play cards with this guy.
Rogue: Why not?
Pokher: He’s a very sneaky cheater.
Pixel: I could, but I don’t.
Pokher: And a terrible liar.
Pixel: Ok, I’m done reworking the codes and frequencies on all your ships. You should be invisible to Awashi. Now I just have to install some molecular rearranging new stuff synthesizers and you’ll be all set.
Rogue: What are molecular rearranging new stuff synthesizers?
Pokher: They change what something is on a physical level. So you can make food out of things that aren’t food.
Pixel: Or water out of things that aren’t water.
Rogue: Wow! So I can turn anything into anything?
Pixel: Not even close. It does have limitations. But there are hundreds of things it can change for you. The main purpose is to keep your food and water supply up while in space for long time periods.
Rogue: And to think that my ancestors from just over a hundred years ago didn’t even have electricity.
Pokher: Yeah, pretty amazing. That technological gap made it easy for The Awashi to conquer your species. Good for you guys that you kept your knowledge of anarchistic ways so now you can be free again.
Computer: Hey, I’m getting lots of alerts from nearby systems that war has just broken out between The Coalition of United Planets Galaxies And Star Systems and Lord Emperor President Chancellor Dominus Khan’s Grand Universal Empire of the Splat Culture. There is a battle raging near Planet Minus.
Pokher: Wow, that didn’t take long.
Rogue: What are those long and arduous sounding names?
Pixel: Well, CUPGASS is thousands of species ruled over by a clever ruling class.
Rogue: Why clever?
Pixel: They tell people to just give part of their time and energy for the rest of their lives in exchange for spaceways and so-called protection. With the veiled threat that if people don’t comply, then they’ll get crushed.
Rogue: Very clever.
Pokher: The ruling class of The Splat Culture is more brutal and straightforward. They just beat people into submission from day one and don’t stop.
Pixel: Which is super ironic, cuz they’re literally mosquitoes.
Meanwhile, on the Swig Starbase, Blackjack, Blue, and Tom are watching a drinking tournament. There are Swig lined up twenty feet from their drinks. They’re using their natural telekinesis abilities to drink from that far away.
Tom: Wow, now that’s a drinking game I’ve never seen. How is the winner determined?
Blue: After each drink, whoever is still floating moves onto the next round, which will be forty feet away. They keep moving farther away each round, until only one remains.
Tom: You mean when a Swig is drunk, they literally drop to the floor?
Blackjack: Like a small, psychedelic beanbag.
Blue: That’s an accurate description.
The round finishes and the crowd goes wild with an obscene amount of color. One participant drops to the floor.
Blue: Weak!
A group of Swig approach Blue. They invite Blue to mate with them.
Blue (to Blackjack and Tom): Hey guys, I’ll be over there mating for a while.
Tom (shocked): Over where?
Blue: Over there, near the snack bar.
Tom: You’re gonna mate out in the open like that?
Blue: Yeah, it’s normal for us.
Blackjack (laughing): Enjoy yourself, Blue. I’ll keep our naive human company.
Blue leaves with the group of Swig.
Blackjack and Tom are approached by a tall, thin, crystal-clear creature. It is a helium-breathing species called The Flotee.
Flotee: Hey, you’re strange. What species are you?
Blackjack laughs at Tom’s expense.
Blackjack: He’s human, from Earth.
Flotee: Never heard of it. My name is Pesado.
Tom: That’s so weird!
Blackjack: Why?
Tom: Pesado means “heavy” in Spanish, an Earth language!
Blackjack: Not so weird.
Tom: Whatever. What species are you?
Pesado: I’m a Flotee.
Blackjack: Flotees are helium-breathing humanoids from the Crooked Sombrero Galaxy. You’re far from home. What brings you out this way?
Pesado: I’m an independently wealthy adventurer just passing through.
Blackjack: Must be nice.
Pesado: It is.
Tom: Why is it called The Crooked Sombrero Galaxy?
Blackjack: Because it looks like a crooked sombrero.
Pesado: Not too bright, these humans.
Blackjack: We’re here with a Swig. She’s over there mating.
Pesado: I see that. Speaking of which, I’m heading to Planet Placer. You guys wanna go?
Tom: What’s Planet Placer?
Blackjack: It’s a planet where the natives are quite pleasurable and accommodating. It’s also just a few hours from here.
Tom: Interesting….
Blackjack: Considering there’s a zero percent chance of you finding a human to mate with out here, you might be interested, Tom.
Tom: I might.
Pesado: Your ship or mine?
Blackjack: My crew is doing some work on the ship. It’ll have to be yours.
Pesado: Ok, let’s go.
Blackjack: I’ll let the crew know we’ll be back tomorrow.
Scene 3
Blackjack, Pesado, and Tom are on Pesado’s ship, streaking towards Planet Placer. They are soon rudely interrupted by three warships flickering in their path.
Pesado: Whoa, where did they come from?
Blackjack: Who are they and why are they flickering?
Pesado: Those are Daemonix craft. They’re subservient to the Splat Culture.
Tom: The mosquito armada? Nothing like a bunch of statist bandits to ruin your day.
Pesado: There’s a rumor that they’ve been working on a cloaking technology.
Blackjack: Or maybe they stole it.
Pesado: That seems more likely. They’re calling. I’m putting them onscreen.
A giant creature, with the body of a rhino and a face of a fox appears onscreen, wearing a ridiculous tapestry of military decoration. It is surrounded by a swarm of mosquitoes.
Tom: What’s that?
Pesado: A Daemonix. They’re from my galaxy, and so is the Splat Culture.
Tom: Rough galaxy!
Pesado: You have CUPGASS, which isn’t any better.
The Daemonix speaks: I am The Purveyor of Pillage.
Tom: What kind of name is that?
Pesado: They like to name themselves after destructive expressions.
Purveyor of Pillage: Silence! I am the humble servant of Lord Emperor President Chancellor Dominus Khan’s Grand Universal Empire of the Splat Culture.
Tom (laughing): Real tough guy, eh? Submissive to a bunch of mosquitoes?
Purveyor of Pillage: Stop interrupting! We are in need of assistance fighting a new enemy, the Coalition of United Planets Galaxies And Star Systems. You will be assimilated into our fighting force.
Pesado: As tempting as that is, I’ll have to say NO.
Purveyor of Pillage: Assimilate or be extinguished.
Pesado cuts the communication with the Daemonix craft.
Blackjack: What’s your plan?
Pesado: Send a distress signal, fire everything I’ve got, and run like mad.
Blackjack: I’ll send a direct message to The Blazing Muffin, too.
Pesado’s ship fires a variety of weapons at the three Daemonix craft, while absorbing one too many blows from their warcraft. His propulsion systems fail as do his shields. They soon see landing parties coming towards them.
Blackjack: I’ll get the fly swatters and glue traps!
Pesado: That’s not funny.
Pesado tosses some cartoonishly bulky weapons to Tom and Blackjack.
Pesado: When they start coming in, just squeeze the trigger and keep spraying.
Tom: That’s not funny, either.
Pesado: Bad choice of words.
A few Daemonix flood into Pesado’s ship along with hundreds of mosquitoes. Before a shot can be fired, an invisible gas is sprayed at Tom, Pesado, and Blackjack, causing them to lose consciousness.
Purveyor of Pillage: Now we have another ship for our fleet. Lord Emperor President Chancellor Dominus Khan will be pleased. Perhaps he’ll give me a golden hypercube of recognition.
The other Daemonix grunt in agreement.
To be continued…..
Thanks for your time and attention!
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