My mama called me 6am.
"My son, come to house."
When African mama calls you 6am on Saturday, it's either food or trouble. It was trouble.
I entered parlor. Three women sitting. Cooperative meeting. Mama is leader.
She said "We want to give you honor. We want you to be our secretary."
I smiled. Honor? In our village, honor means problem.
Mama Joy said "Secretary, write. We have contributed 500k for rice business."
I was writing.
Then Mama Nkechi said "But we want to add one more thing. Loan. You will collect loan for us from LAPO. 1 million. Your name."
I dropped pen.
I said "Mama, not another loan. Last time you people used my name to collect loan for wrapper, you did not pay. LAPO people came to my shop to carry my generator."
Mama said "No, this time different. We will pay."
Mama Joy brought out a paper. Already written â my full name, my NIN, my shop address. They had already filled form.
Mama Nkechi said "Just sign here."
I looked at three mamas. All looking at me like I am their last hope.
I said "Mama, I love you, but my shop cannot carry another wahala."
I stood up, carried my slippers and ran. I left them with their form.
Behind me, Mama shouted "We will add your name whether you sign or not!"
That is how I became wanted by LAPO without collecting shishi.
IMAGE SOURCE AI