Often times in life we wonder if only we could do this or that. Just the other day I was talking to a young man whom I have mentored for years, as it often happens with life we had moved in the separate ways our lives had taken us over the last few years. We sat there in that coffee shop trying to catch up with what was happening with each other's lives and again I heard that deep sigh for the fourth time that evening. I knew it wasn't the same young man I had known all those years ago, something had changed.
There was this deep seated anguish that somehow was crying out for an outlet, I sensed. I knew this from my years of experience as a youth counselor but I decided that I would let him let tell me about it if and when he was ready to share that part of his life with me.
I learned from our conversations later that an important decision that he had made in his life caused him so much pain. He being the responsible young man that he is, taking responsibility for his mistake took the decision to work through the problems this choice had brought upon him. He was courageous, he wasn't running away from his mistake and I was so proud of him even though it did hurt me to see him in so much mental and emotional anguish.
Often times in life we hope and wish that we could go back to that moment in time and change the decision from the understanding we have now gained from our experience. He was no different, he did make a mention of it once that evening. There was so much pain and regret drenched in his words. I wish life was that easy, but there is no way we can go back in time and set the wrong right, life isn't that forgiving. We have one life to live and we go through it from one choice/decision to another.
We pay for our mistakes as much as we learn from them. Our decisions make us who we are, while the wrong ones cost us our peace and happiness the right ones bring us peace and joy. The option of running away from the choices isn't living, its escapism, its a fugitive kind of existence. The rolling stone kind of life that gathers no moss.
The only way we could make a wrong right is by facing the consequences and doing whatever can be done in the present circumstances to make things better for us and those who have been affected by our decision/s.
We need to understand that mistakes/failures are not the end, they shows us that there are different ways of looking at a situation. Someone I know said in a casual conversation, "if only I had known that what I had done that day would lead me here I would have spent more time thinking about my decision". I responded to her that this wisdom she had now came from the mistake she made. Now that she has learned she needed to move on with life wiser and smarter for the experience.
We are made wiser each day by the experiences we have today. Nothing worthwhile comes out of looking back and berating ourselves. If we had known any better we would have taken better decisions, now that we have learned from our experience we are armed with the knowledge of how to avoid those pitfalls in the future.
Just the other day I found myself thinking 'if only I had taken better care of myself in my younger days', the truth is I didn't. Beating myself over what happened in the past just doesn't help. All I have now is the life that lies ahead of me and I have the power to make the best of it. The moment I set my thinking right I have plans and goals for a better future. Life is as simple as that, if only we understood this fact we wouldn't be troubled about our past or our future.
Our best plans could fail, that is a possibility. We never plan for failure, so need to learn to accept success and failure as milestones not as destinations. We need to learn to forgive ourselves, if we can't its going to be hard to live this life. If we can't forgive ourselves we can't expect to extend the same to others. A life without forgiveness is a psyche filled with painful bruises oozing with blood and puss, with no chance of healing.
Moving ahead in life is as important as living it right. Life is a long process of making decisions, learning, healing and growing. To hope that this imperfect life would flow perfectly and flawlessly is a bit too much to expect. The beauty of life is that this is journey through a rugged terrain, the paths before us may not always be smooth but it could lead to the finest, untouched and peaceful places we have ever been to. Peace always comes after a storm.
If only we could understand life with its checks and balances and appreciate both the good and the not so good we would learn to live a life of peace.
Have a great week ahead.
Image used is my property.
