I feel like one of the unfair things about life is that we can't read people's minds.
Think about it. There are times when you're dealing with someone and you genuinely cannot tell whether they care about you or whether they simply value what you can do for them.
And honestly, I find that scary.
Personally, I'm someone who is naturally optimistic about people. I like to believe that people are good. I like giving people the benefit of the doubt, and even when someone does something questionable, my first instinct is usually to find an explanation for their behaviour rather than immediately assume the worst.
But what happens when their actions keep making you question that goodness?
At what point do you stop telling yourself, maybe they really care, and start asking yourself, Or maybe they just care about what I bring to the table?
That's where it becomes difficult for me.
Because sometimes, you can look at someone's actions and convince yourself that they genuinely love and care about you. Other times, you begin to notice that their attention seems to increase whenever you have something to offer and disappears whenever you don't.
And then you start wondering.
Do they actually care about me?
Or do they care about the version of me that is useful to them?
The hardest part is that you may never really know.
You can defend someone endlessly. You can tell yourself that they have good intentions. You can remember all the nice things they've done and use them as evidence that they genuinely care.
But then one action can come along and make you question everything again.
And I think that's one of the most frustrating parts of human relationships.
We can observe people's actions, listen to their words, and pay attention to how they treat us, but we still cannot completely see what is happening inside their minds.
Deep down, I really wish we could.
I wish there was a way to know when someone genuinely loves you, when someone appreciates you, and when someone is simply being nice because they need something from you.
But I guess there isn't.
So perhaps the best we can do is pay attention to patterns rather than isolated moments. Appreciate people who show up for us, but also notice when their care seems to come with conditions.
I still want to believe in people's goodness.
I don't want other people's actions to turn me into someone who automatically suspects everyone.
But I also think there is a difference between being optimistic about people and being blind to their behaviour.
Maybe I'll never know exactly why someone chooses to stay in my life.
Maybe they care about me.
Maybe they care about what I can do for them.
Maybe, sometimes, it's a little bit of both.
And perhaps that's one of those questions about people that we'll never have a completely honest answer to.
I just wish we could read minds sometimes.
