I have a guiding force behind me, a life philosophy, a path forward. Be better. I am getting better I think. I am starting to accept that some things are just the way they have to be right now, but it doesn't mean they won't change or couldn't change tomorrow.
What would happen if everything changed? Do you ever think about that?
What if all the things that you had come to rely on suddenly disappeared, all the people you knew, the toys you play with, the books you love? What happens if one day you just woke up and they were no longer there? Would I spend the rest of my life searching for them or would I replace them? Would I find new books to love? After all, they do say that there are plenty of books in the sea.
This morning I ate breakfast early and asked where Daddy was. I knew he was in bed still but I have started to miss him in the mornings. The last couple weeks he has been putting me to sleep at night because Mummy can't sing or read with her voice and the weekends are spent with him too so, I am getting used to him being there a lot.
What if he wasn't one day? What if he wasn't just "in the bedroom"? Are there plenty of Daddies in the sea too?
I don't think he is going anywhere but it is something to think about isn't it? Parents want the best for their kids but what happens if the best means that the parent isn't there? Tough one really as the assumption is that parents know best and what is best is that the parent be the parent but, if that is the case, why do so many people grow up broken, weak, ill and become poor parents themselves? They all do their best of course.
Someone said the other day that I might sue Daddy for putting my life here. Perhaps, but I doubt it. I think that I will learn to treasure the moments. I think that one day Daddy won't just be having a nap in the bedroom, and then I will learn the real value of these words. One day.
Not tonight though.
<3
Smallsteps
