My wife 
It's one of those Michelin four stars places which means they are able to raise the prices by 400% or so and justify it.
It was for a special occasion so I didn't want to deny her and after all, it would be an experience to rub shoulders with the upper breeds of high society.
It was getting close to Christmas, and I was expecting to struggle to book a table. Not so at NorthCote for a very good reason.
They expect a deposit of £25 per head, otherwise, you can't go, oh… and you can't go in with ripped jeans either as its states so when you make the reservation, damn!
Unsurprisingly every available time slot was 'available', and like the dumbass I am sometimes, booked a table for 7.30pm
It was dark when we arrived so apologies for the dimly lit outside images. I had to enhance the cover photo just so you can see it.
Finding the way in was the next challenge, was it the back or the front? We guessed on the back and correctly found the entrance.
After being ushered into the 'waiting area' which was as dark as the outside we ordered some drinks.
…'the inside looked like somebody's living room with fancy portraits on the wall of famous people'…
After receiving the drinks and waiting another 15 minutes we were presented with these canapé's. I couldn't guess what was inside and they are considered 'freebies', but the ones on the right tasted a little fishy.
I don't mean that in a bad way, they were incredibly tasty and my drool levels were increasing by the minute.
The menu was dark, forbidding and exuberated an aura of expensiveness before I opened the cover.
The sharing menu was £70 each, that's a little bit of everything, same with the plant version which was at the back of the menu.
…'only £70?, the full taster menu was a mere £95 EACH. I wanted to order THREE each but
Bypassing the taster menu section we dove into the a la carte middle section reserved for paupers.
I ordered Chalk Stream Trout, the cheapest item on the menu at £28 while
The waitress appeared put out that we did not order starters. When Roasted Tomatoes is the cheapest one at £14.50, it kind of becomes a factor.
I estimate it was 45 minutes before we made the main restaurant area, far too long for someone like me who doesn't like to faff about in holding areas.
The food was not especially quick in delivery, but thankfully they gave use some crusty bread which was quite tasty.
I stared at the Chalk Stream Trout in utter disbelief. It only housed the central part of my large plate, the outside section being completely uncovered.
The waiter went to great lengths to explain the contents of both dishes before leaving us to start eating.
Mine was gone within just a few minutes and several gulps, and I had to grab the last of the bread in an effort to fill the gap in my rumbling belly.
The Trout was incredibly tasty as was the Chicken.
We shared the FIVE potatoes bestowed upon us, and it was over all too soon.
I took a few minutes to steal a few shots after they took the plates away.
I had been hesitant to use my phone camera beforehand due to the other diners and their intimidating stares.
…'it was like the other diners could sniff us and determine we should not be eating in their presence'…
I distinctly remembered I had showered only 3 months beforehand, just what was the problem?
The waiter returned after another 15 minutes handing us the dessert menus. It appeared mandatory to order them if you wanted to escape alive.
We were not satisfied at all in terms of mass and after some deliberation about doing a runner, visiting the nearest McDonalds to order two apple pies for 99p we reluctantly made another order.
Brockhall Orchard Apple Crumble sounded great as it's a stodge I'm quite partial too.
£16.50 is outrageous but grumbling I consented, with
Another fifteen-minute wait ensued and this time I was more staggered than the last.
The smallest pudding I have ever been presented with was put in front of me, while the waiter droned on about the internal ingredients within again.
Unlike the main course, I was disappointed by the 'Apple Crumble' which was far from its description.
There was some ice cream hiding under that stick-like object (which was edible) which caused me a little brain freeze for a few seconds.
…'Apple Crumble my arse, show me the crumble?'…
I tasted
After well over two hours we asked for the bill and received a box of truffles with it. I guess this is another, 'compliments of the house' addition.
£138.15 is simply outrageous expensive and is far by the most I have EVER paid for a meal. If this is how the rich and famous eat on a nightly basis, then you can stick it to be blunt.
While the food quality is excellent, I can do without all the explanations of ingredients and all the waiting around.
An hour in a restaurant is enough for me, my time is valuable.
At least the truffles were nice, well some of them.
NorthCote
Northcote Rd, Langho, Blackburn BB6 8BE, UK
NorthCote - A Tasteem Review
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