I've had another worst day of my life today. I had many really bad days in my life, but until my wife's diagnosis with a sarcoma so rare it doesn't even have a name or a protocol for treatment I didn't truly know pain and suffering.
The incessant crushing intensity of our reality is certainly far more than is bearable. But, I don't want to pretend that others don't know what living through unimaginable adversity is like, and I certainly don't want pity. I could talk at length about what it's like to walk out of the oncology clininc and not have the option to fill a prescription that is a longshot and costs 4 months of food, utilities and rent. I could describe the sinking feeling when yet another stranger in a white coat tells you "to go live fully, check off some of the bucket list stuff before, well, you know, while you can". As if they've somehow forgotten we can't even afford anymore experimenting with her body, much less there's a plague that law dictates we can't leave our house but to go to the hospital.
One would think I've shed many tears after these tragic events that I'm only scratching the surface of, but I'm too broken for that, and I've got to be resilient and positive. There are too many emotions to hone in on any specific one and attempt to process it and be present in an expression of something human. There's no relating to others, everyone except my wife is an alien.
Perhaps my loving supportive family could help guide me to some place of comfort but they're 10,000 miles away and the country they live in is as broken as my spirit. I'm not sure I'll ever see my parents, brother, or friends again. Never smell spring flowers or a crisp cool autumn morning. A snowfall is out of the question.
The politics and arrogance of the first worlders where I was born have made me a refugee and the pandemic has stolen everything from me but my strength, which is my wife and our love.
When you go do whatever it is you do today, maybe it's flag poor people in despair on a blockchain that hasn't given you the return you felt would make you happy, maybe it's living to work and make others wealthy, remember we are all terminal cases. I hope you have lived a life that doesn't fill you with resentments or regrets. I hope like I did you got on that plane and flew to another world because you know a love like this doesn't come around in a 1000 lifetimes. I hope you know how to be compassionate and empathetic. I hope you don't assume everything is about you and your ego doesn't steal the present moment from you.
Each moment is a fleeting miracle that slips through are fingers and evades description. I hope you know those crystallised slices of an eternal cosmic dance and you can share them with someone you love. Gene Roddenberry said "if you can find at least two people in this life to truly communicate with, you will have lived fully". I myself have exceeded those expectations and had experiences that are ineffable and unavailable to the billions that toil away here in search of themselves.
Yes, we are indeed all terminal, and we've been dying since we entered this plane of existence. But, when you have lived fully you know, that you know there is only life. An awareness of the infinite complexity of consciousness and the ever evolving expressions of life, love, and beauty. So whilst it's true the corporeal remains will not be forever undulating within this illusion don't believe for an instant that death has permission to dwell in the abode of permanence. Unless of course that's the deal you made with that slave to time, to me, to the ALL.
Go forth and live now, right now and see if you are up for the challenge of being the defiant, the triumphant kings and queens of this mysterious play. 
