Treating Myself Better In 2024
It's the 21st day of January 2024 and the year has been in full swing already. One friend, who I hadn't in real life, passed away in her sleep and another has just survived quadruple bipass surgery after 95% of her arteries were found to be blocked.
I do not believe in ghosts, nor an afterlife, but I once did. My kitchen light once flickered on and off before returning to normal meaning it needs to be replaced soon, a song that reminded me of my now late friend played once over the speakers of a local shopping centre and I have been in conversation with mutual acquaintances about how they percieved her.
If I still believed in ghosts, I'd think she was trying to communicate with me. Internally I made a joke that she'd be more than welcome to engage in some spectral spirit sexy times, but to make her presence known properly beforehand.
She was the woman who I had thought of as being a covert narcissist, but after nearly a year of studying psychology it was apparent that she was a borderline.
I'd already mourned one of her personas for 3 days before she'd blocked me for several months and then she came back when she needed money.
There's a life lesson there.
So the grieving process is more of regret, of questions unasked, emotions unexpressed , etc. It comes in small bursts, and it's more of mild annoyance than sorrow but mostly shock, but at the same time unsurprising. It will pass.
I'm listening to a fictional podcast called Achewillow and I am have to keep rewinding it as my attention drifts.
My other friend, with the heart disease, is slowly becoming more active on social media as she's getting her strength back. I made sure she knew how much i cared before the surgery. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed after all.
Working It
Since the 8th of January, I've worked at both the cricket and the football, either selling or scanning tickets sporadically and I am still waiting for one company to pay me.
I have another shift tomorrow evening at the cricket (Update: this got cancelled) and another on Australia Day.
At the end of January I'm doing a Basic Gaming licence course which allows me to work in venues with gambling machines or "pokies" as we call them here and I've applied for a Working With Children Clearance which will open up even more job opportunities.
Right now though I am sitting out the front of a local fish and chip shop, eating hot chips out of a bag. I could have lied and said that I was eating broccoli and other healthy foods in alignment with some New Year's Resolution or something but I think this far into the year, most people would have failed in that pursuit.
Don't worry, I am still eating "healthy" and I am definitely moving my body more. I’m slowly losing weight and getting fitter.
For the new year, rather than making the grandiose claims of New Year’s Resolutions, engaging in wishful thinking and ultimately "future faking" myself into disappointment, it's better to make small incremental positive changes every day.
It means putting your dignity and self respect first at all cost.
You may have heard that you should treat people the way you wish to be treated, but you might not have heard that you should treat yourself as you'd like others to treat you.
Process that for a second...
People cannot know your thoughts, they can only know your actions, your speach, how you dress and so on and will judge, gossip and determine your value based on those things.
So hopefully, I won’t be making the same mistakes as last years as I pivot, grow, and embrace change and new opportunities as they arise throughout this year.
All I can really do is treat myself better and encourage you to do the same.
Until next time,
Thanks for reading.
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