The train is full of parents bringing their children into the see the Christmas Pageant. It’s a parade of various floats representing fictional characters, music and such.
It goes for half a day and culminates with the arrival of Santa Claus.
I am on the train this early because I realised last night that I wouldn’t be able to pay my rent this week if I couldn’t get to a Post Office before needing to be at work.
It’ll be an 8 hour hospitality shift during a day of horse racing. This often means dealing with wealthy, arrogant, drunk people.
I am not a fan of hospitality. I have grown to dislike being forced to do “3 plate carry” at times when I know that just carrying 2 plates of food allows me to move faster and more accurately.
It’s not faster by any particular measure, but arguing with management is not really a good idea as “common sense” is considered blasphemy.
“Flexibility” is also apparently a dirty word too.
Anyway, on to the topic at hand: Tapping Your Potential.
You may have heard the term “untapped potential” being used occasionally and it generally refers to the idea that either an object, situation or person has the potential to be much much better than it is now.
The verb “tapping” refers to the idea of drawing a liquid from a source, such as water to a kitchen sink or drawing oil up to the surface with pumps in order to be put in barrels.
We all have this untapped potential in various aspects of pur lives. We could always be fitter, funnier, eat healthier, earn more money, be more generous with our time, be a better friend and / or partner, etc. The list goes on.
Fast forward to right now.
It’s Monday night as I type this, watching the movie Halloween 2 while waiting for my doctor to ring me about picking up a form for taking a blood test.
The hospitality shift on Saturday mentioned above was one of the worst I’d had in a while. I was told by another staff member that it would be just the two of use working behind the bar and my mood dropped and she must have read my facial expression and tried to console me.
“It’ll be OK”, she said. “It won’t be like Melbourne Cup Day. There’ll only be 170 people.”.
The Melbourne Cup Day event held close to 600 people and it was insane.
But this little exchange, that I now realising was gaslighting, triggered a low level anxiety.
I can do most things behind the bar, from pouring beers to using the cash register to using the dishwashers with no issues at all.
I will admit to being rusty in these things, but where I really fall down is when it comes to making what is know as pre-mixed drinks.
Lemon, lime and bitters? Scotch and Coke? Various other combinations of spirits? Count me out! I’d have no clue and I’d freeze up.
The root cause of the anxiety, is the fear that someone will order a drink that I don’t know how to make and no one will be around to help me in my time of confusion.
I’d look foolish, and the customer would be angry.
This did actually happen twice when the other bartender had other customers. She offered to help me once and then refused to help me after that and turned frosty towards me, barking orders for the rest of the shift.
I began to feel resentment and tried to hide my facial expression when I saw a woman approach the bar because I knew they would order something I would struggle with.
I do not want to be this way.
I wrote not to myself to either good really good at spirits and pre-mix drinks or give up hospitality altogether.
The new female supervisor started doing the same.
“You need to look busy otherwise I’ll get told off”.
I was ahead of the workand there was no one at the bar at the time she said this, but this raises two points:
Firstly, that’s not MY problem and secondly, thank you for letting me know what the management is actually like.
Thank goodness I wasn’t working there permanently.
And yes, I know there are a lot of companies are like that.
The supervisor also started barking orders at me.
I was in a fowl mood and I could feel my energy draining and I started to slip into a mild depression and prayed the shift would soon be over.
Then the darker inner voices started up. “Nothing is good enough. i am not good enough”…
I was self aware enough to catch them and shut them down.
Then when it was time for a break, all of the food had been taken or thrown out. The supervisor did manage to find me a hamburger and some chips towards the end of the break.
By the end, I was grateful for the shift to end with the knowledge I could sleep in on Sunday morning.
To be fair, with a Housing Trust inspection the day before, and a Metallica I was well and truly exhausted.
It made me realise that there is room for growth here, but also that I had been operating in survival mode and grinding just to afford rent. I’d been playing small and limiting myself.
I also have some unresolved childhood trauma caused by a my once alcoholic Vietnam Veteran father with OCD and PTSD.
Dark inner criticism: “Not good enough. Nothing will ever be good enough regardless of what I do!”, etc.
Never meeting those military grade OCD standards.
It was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I am capable of achieving great things if I break them down into smaller achieveable goals.
I could be travelling around the world, exploring, learning and helping all sorts of people.
I can create videos, podcasts, blog posts, and I could potentially inspire a lot of people.
Although rusty, I have begun drawing again, relearning and learning new skills.
There are infinite possibilities and infinite skills to learn, improve and grow. It’s ultimately a matter of saying “Yes” to myself and pulling the trigger on getting things started.
Each skill building onto the next one.
Self protection, self advocacy, self discipline, eating right, exercising, learning new skills, positive attitude, positive self talk, figuring stuff out, planning, negotiating, and being open to help and accept help when offered. Acting timely when new opportunities and possibilities present themselves calmly and without panic.
No one can be a greater enemy against you, than you.
Self sabotage, self doubt, fears and “what if?”s, laziness, apathy, listening to doubters, haters and misinformation. Lack of planning and foresight. Negative attitude, procrastination, hesitation, panic, selfishness.
“You are literally your own worst enemy.”
It’s taken me far too long to both understand snd accept this cliche, but it’s true.
That said, I do need to acknowledge that those I call friends may not always have my best interests at heart and may inadvertently put doubts in my mind.
For example, I wanted to get a driver’s licence. I had AU$10,000 in the bank at the time, but I didn’t have a proper income so I was reluctant to spend that money.
I mentioned wanting to get the licence to a friend who said that it would cost close to AU$8000 in driving lessons, so I hesitated, which then became procrastination.
This is a form of self sabotage and also why I never speak about my plans any more until they are completed or at least in progress to being completed.
I have applied for a TAFE course for next year.
A friend is doing the same course right now, so we can help each other.
There are other courses which may lead to other work, or even my own business. That way I am my own boss and don’t need to be spoken down to again.
That’s for later next year.
I started buying reference books on how to create some of the things I want to create (and started doing the exercises) with the goal of having things to sell at a festival in September.
I have done First Aid and CPR courses.
I have chosen to only ask for advice from people who have done what I am planning on doing, or those who completely want to see me succeed but it’s up to me take action.
I have started distancing myself from labour-hire companies that have been treating me like dirt (bullying, spying, death stares, yelling, etc.).
I am starting to choose to work with companies that treat me with respect and speak up for myself when I am being disrespected and quit the horrible ones.
I’m tapping my potential for the maximum benefit of myself and those around me.
A final thought:
I’m not suggesting anything here, but you’ve never seen both me and Bruce Wayne in the same room at the same time, have you?
Thank you for reading.
I hope that you also choose to tap your potential to it’s fullest.
Shaidon
All content, including photos and text, are produced by myself except where indicated otherwise and sources are always supplied. I do not use A.I. so your upvotes support a genuine human being producing original material.
