Letting Go Of "Me"
I'm writing this on the way home from the train station on my phone via the Ecency app. I had a shift working at the Festival Theatre for Tiketek.
The customer service side of things is relatively easy, and the technical side of things just needs a little practice but once I get the hang of it, it will be a breeze.
There is very little in the way of training, but there's scope to learn it as you go and there is support from those who are more experienced whenever there's a sticky problem.
It's not something that I consciously ever saw myself doing but the job is something I can do.
But that's the point of this blog post.
Who do I think I am?
We all have this idea of who we are, various values we uphold and things that fall outside of what we would ever consider doing.
You might feel like you could never perform brain surgery because you're not qualified, or you are riddled with self doubt regarding the need for precision with a scalpel or maybe it just didn't align with how you saw your life playing out when you were a kid.
This is an extreme example of course, but there are many little things that we say "No" to every day based on the idea of who we think we are.
These ideas change over time. If you look back, you may find your political beliefs shifting either one way or the other based on whatever information you've been exposed to. The same goes with religion or any particular talking point you could think of.
You might see yourself as someone who doesn't eat at sushi restaurants because you don't like the imagined taste of the food without actually trying it.
Or you might think catching a taxi to work is expensive, despite the convenience and the resulting paycheck for a day's work. (Yes, they are expensive if used constantly, but as a one off expense it can be a lot cheaper than maintaining a car. It depends on your circumstances).
For me, I was always too scared to work behind the counter of a pub or in any form of retail because I wasn't good with numbers and I don't like being screamed at by impatient and ignorant people.
In a previous post I talked about how I worked at a local football club, behind a bar and using their cash register. It's all electronic and once you know how to use them, they can be used super fast.
I was also worried about how to use the "pump gun soda dispenser". The buttons are clearly labelled as to what the products were and it's just a matter of holding down the buttons until the glass is at the desired level. Now I can work behind the bar at any pub pretty much.
The same goes for working with the Ticketek software. Initially it was daunting, but with repetition it becomes easier to buy and print out tickets for clients.
There's a million little skills that I can be learning and ideas about myself that need to be unlearned. I also need to distance myself from people who tell me that things can't be done.
My harshest critic is the guy in the mirror though. He can take a running jump off a large cliff or at least keep his mouth firmly shut. Chuckle.
I can be my own worst enemy at times.
While I have an I.T. degree, I still feel inadequate for most I.T. related jobs due to a lack of programming skills. This has prevented me from applying for those jobs.
The idea of me being an I.T. professional is one I needed to let go of and instead, pivot mentally towards jobs that would actually accept me and pay me.
It's both humbling and liberating at the same time.
It's an interesting shift, switching from what I was always certain of to embracing the uncertain.
My goal for the forseeable future is to raise my profile locally by networking, applying for jobs here there and everywhere, learning new skills and hopefully finding consistent work.
The fulltime arrangement of the call centre job I had would have been ideal if it wasn't such a psychologically toxic work environment.
But I needed to be honest with myself, and actually listen to friends who had warned me not to work there. I value the experience and friends I gained from doing so though. It's amazing what reading between the lines does.
People can be rather forthcoming in their negative intentions, by telling you what they "aren't doing" when that's exactly what they're doing.
Another interesting life lesson for another post.
Until then, thanks for reading.
Shaidon.
All photos are haven been taken by me, unless otherwise indicated and the sources supplied.
I do not use A.I. and your upvote here makes a difference to a real human.