Parenting is an art
A demanding one because it is the grail of happiness. If we get it right in early childhood we can expect happier adults with more health and emotional wellbeing.
Unfortunately, the alarming increase of unhappy people makes us realize that only few children are lucky to be raised in families that validate and respect their children as human beings of infinite worth. Counselors’ offices are full of people trying to make things right again for them after a poor and unbalanced childhood and aim to restore damage as better as possible with long-lasting therapies and sessions. We must be fully conscious about what we do, otherwise our children and generations over generations will pay a heavy price.
Asking the right questions
We need to be able to answer the question “ Who am I?” and “ What does parenting mean to me?” before we start our work with our kids even with the best intentions.
We need to create the right questions in order to get the right answers.
ALWAYS be very careful with your questions.
There lies the secret of success.
Because a quest begins with a quest-ion.
Questions create REALITY because they make us focus. And focus creates our reality.
I asked myself “ who do you want them to be when they grow up” and answered: “ Free of fear and grown into the persons they really are.”
“ How can I help them?" was the next one.
By noticing their strengths and empowering them. By focusing on qualities that work rather on what needs to be fixed. By uncovering the potential they have inside them, by chipping away all the limitations of their ability to be, to succeed, to live a happier life.
But most of all by showing them what I see in them.
That is the power of my look. Of all parents’ look.
We all know how common it is for a mother to have her eyes always on us and therefore to know everything. But what kind of look is given to us?
There is this look of “one more move and I will kill you” or the “go to bed right away” look, or the look of disapproval “ I wasn’t expecting anything more from you” or “ you look just like your dad" that’s the comparison look. So many looks that diminish our capacities, that send us the wrong message, that make us focus on the wrong thing.
I am not referring to that look but to the strength-based look that a mother can have. One she OUGHTS TO HAVE.
The eye contact that shows everything without talking. The contact that says “I love you” and the child’s nod back that says “I know.” The look from the kid that says “ I can do that” and her response that says“ I know”.
The look of trust and affection. The look of admiration in their best, not in a narcissistic way but in a realistic one. Narcissism anyway is not about self-esteem and CONFIDENCE, it is the opposite.
The look of praise BUT NOT indiscriminately. The look of inspiration. The look of realism which is about placing our look on what works, on strengths, on virtues, on competences.
THIS is our power over our children. It’s our look that will help them grow.
Our children will soar to the height of this look. To the depth of our empowerment. To our ability to show them trust and admiration together with clear boundaries of what needs to be done.
The secret weapon of each mother is HER LOOK.
See the greatness in your children and they will flourish.
See in them values and respect and they will actualize appropriately.
Honor them for what they are and they will honor themselves.
Focus creates reality, never forget that.
Help them learn the rules of the game, play with them the game and show them HOW to select at will from an infinite of choices what is for their best.
Help them answer the question “ What is meaningful to my life? Why am I here for?” because the more an activity is meaningful to them, the better they will perform it.
The more they value it as worth doing, the more it is worth doing it.
This is the only way to help one grow towards one’s own maturity.
